Photo: Getty
You don't need to go out in order to strengthen your bond.
By Susan Edwards — Written on Jun 26, 2020
While the stability of being in a long-term romantic relationship or marriage feels amazing, taking it for granted could be a big mistake that might cost you dearly.
Rather than letting your relationship start to crumble, there are several things to do as a couple that will help you fall even more deeply in love as time goes on.
I first realized this myself when I was home alone one night a few years ago and a strong storm knocked out the power. When the worst of it had passed, I was struck by the deafening quiet. The house was quiet, the neighborhood was quiet and save occasional lightning, it was dark.
I've been home alone many times, so it doesn't make me nervous. It was more of a realization as to how little time I actually spend alone — truly alone, with no TV, no internet, no noise, and no distractions.
I forced myself to confront my solitude, settled into the quiet and meditated. Twenty minutes into the blackout, I felt smug that I had managed to overcome my addiction to distraction.
OK, I thought, that was a nice meditation. I'm ready for the power to come back on now. I'm good at being alone.
Nope. Still no power.
Then, I realized that it wasn't the power or distractions I was missing — I was really missing my husband. We are one of those touchy-feely type couples, and we like and love each other very much. But he was nowhere around and, even though I knew it was only for a few hours, I felt even more lonely.
I remembered a time the power went out a few years ago, and we grabbed a deck of cards and played Rummy by candlelight. Now, I couldn't say when we had last played cards. I had rejected several invitations from him to play over the last few years. Apparently, I was too busy.
Too busy!? What was wrong with me?
When couples first get together, they are practically consumed by the other's presence. Physically, you can't get enough of each other. Emotionally, you're consumed by each other. Nothing distracts you from being together, and it feels good. It feels so good, in fact, that you decided to take your relationship to the next level of commitment. You got married or moved in together and built a life based on blissful togetherness.
Then, life happened. Your career demanded your attention; your children consumed your energy. You started taking one another, and the relationship, for granted.
Doing that is often a major mistake, leaving one or both of you feeling neglected and resentful as you're no longer getting your needs met. No one likes to be last on their partner's priority list, and when either partner feels that way, it can lead to an unhappy marriage, infidelity or divorce.
Rather than allowing a potentially broken relationship to fall apart completely, trying some (or all) of the suggestions listed below can work wonders.
Here are 14 things to do as a couple to fall more deeply in love with one another:
1. Take time to be alone together with no kids and no distractions. Turn off your phones.
2. Clear your schedule and spend time being intimate. Hang out in bed for the day and renew your pair bonding!
3. Light candles and snuggle.
4. Reenact your first date or first time being intimate.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Tell them how much you appreciate them in specific ways. Say something like, "Thank you for taking care of ..."
7. Have dinner at the dining room table. Eat together with no phones, no TV, and no other distractions. Talk about things you haven't thought to discuss in ages. Get to know one another again.
8. Pick a game they like and play it together, just the two of you.
9. Turn on your phone's do not disturb function. Ignore texts, notifications and calls while you have a date night.
10. Be present for your partner, not everyone else vying for your time and attention.
11. Tell them you love them and why. Everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are!
12. Let them know you need them, and.for more than taking out the garbage.
13. Make them your priority, even if it's just for tonight. What could be sexier than knowing they are number one in your life?
14. Tell them you love them and why — yes, again.
Stable, loving relationships must be built and then nurtured.
Nothing stands the test of time without some maintenance and repair. Don't wait until relationship issues become deal-breakers before you start learning how to save your marriage.
Remember what brought you together and nurture that spark regularly, no matter what stage your relationship is in. Let the person you love know how important they are to you and be sure not to take them or the relationship for granted.
Your relationship will thrive as a result.
More for You:
Susan K. Edwards, L.S.H., is an author, Reiki Master and Energy Healer. Her work centers around reminding people that it's, "All About Love!" She and her husband own Wildhair Studios’ Rock Shop in historic downtown Paducah. Her books include "Smudging: Clear Negative Energy From Your Home & Life" and her latest romance novel, "Surrender."