10 Tips For Loving & Supporting Your Type-A Wife

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10 Tips For Loving & Supporting Your Type-A Wife

There is a shift going on in marriage today: The rise of the "beta husband." As a man, I know you might not have expected to be in this distinct group, but let help you understand you aren't alone.

The last study done in 2013 showed that among married, heterosexual couples in the U.S., a quarter of wives, or about 15 million women, are the primary breadwinners in their family.

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There are many challenges that can come with this marriage dynamic.

For one, men are taught to hang our badge based on what we do in life, not on what we do at home. Plus, women don't usually get rewarded for bringing home the bacon.

But in this case, it's the exact opposite.

Another issue is the assumption that the other partner may have a better situation. The man may think she is going out enjoying lunch and happy hours with fellow co-workers, but not see the stress getting those same co-workers to take her leadership seriously.

The woman may feel he's just hanging out after he drops off the children, but in reality, he is struggling with his self-esteem and identity.

Here are 10 tips for loving and supporting your type-A wife.

1. Identify your comfortability with your role reversal.

I'm sure when you got married, you didn't expect that you would be scheduling playdates and managing the home. If you don't like it, then be honest.

Tell your wife. But even more importantly, you will have to come up with a plan. If you don't, you will be stuck in an untenable situation.

2. Don't forget to pursue your own interests.

If you're comfortable with the way the relationship is going, find something you are passionate about and pursue it while managing your other duties.

Your alpha wife doesn't care so much that you aren't the primary breadwinner. What she does care about is that you're actively doing something to make you strive to be the best person you can be.

3. Make sure the relationship doesn't become parental.

If you hear phrases like, "You're like my third child!" or, "Do I have to ask you again? Can you please..." then sit your wife down and ask her, "Do you feel like you're my parent?"

If she says, "Yes, sometimes," then it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. If she feels this way then you know that sometimes, she's going to treat you like a child. And the needs you have as her husband won't be met.

4. Avoid being isolated.

Having a social network is critical to being a beta husband. You just don't want to feel that you're managing your life by yourself and that you totally depend on your wife for support. If you were ever in the situation where your wife is now, remember how that felt.

Most of the time, you needed some space just to relax and couldn't get it because your wife was looking to just connect. And to top it all off, your wife is still probably doing more work around the house than you are.

So, you can't get angry when she falls asleep from exhaustion.

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5. Appeal to your wife's feminine side.

Your wife may be kickin' butt and taking names outside the house, but she's still a woman and wants to be reminded of that, so it's up to you to do it.

So, what does that mean as the beta husband? You have to put your wife first.

Be spontaneous: Buy her a gift, or schedule a date for lunch at her office, if possible.

6. Push back when warranted.

In the office, an alpha woman doesn't exert her will onto men as they cower in the corner. They are constantly being challenged, but stand up for their beliefs. At home, they want the same thing.

In other words, she wants you to have an opinion. Being a beta husband doesn't mean you don't have a voice. Remember that marriage is about a partnership, teamwork. If you have a conviction about an issue, share it so you can discuss it together.

7. Remind her that you are dependable, responsive, and supportive.

In other words, you are there for her — something that her more alpha fantasy man might not be.

8. Figure out the best way to ger more chores done.

It's no secret that even when women make more money than us, they still do more housework. That has to be corrected.

If you don't, it will cause your spouse to become resentful because in her mind she'll say, "You're not pulling your weight around here."

So, figure out the best tool that will help you get projects accomplished. Either create lists or use a project management app, whatever works.

9. Create an atmosphere of romance.

If romance and sex are important to you, you'll have to make it a priority. So she makes more money than you, that doesn't mean she is also going to be the aggressor in the bedroom.

You will still have to do those things that put her in the mood. Take note if she is no longer doing those romantic things you need as a husband, you should let her know that it's important to maintain a healthy sex life.

10. Step up, so she can step back.

No matter what the situation is, whether she has expressed her displeasure in your current situation or not, she is just looking for you to take the pressure off.

In the end, this new dynamic isn't going away.

As women are given more opportunities to excel corporately and as entrepreneurs, as her husband, if you have the ability to stay home, or take a lesser role at work for the benefit of the family, you will have to identify the best way to excel individually as well as in the marriage.

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Keith Dent is a relationship and life coach, as well as the author of the In The Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love. His work has appeared on sites like The Good Men Project, MamaMia, and The Real Dads Network.

This article was originally published at Strive Two Succeed. Reprinted with permission from the author.