3 Ways To Start Relationship Goal-Setting, Even If You're Not The Planning Type

Couples that intentionally work towards an agreed-upon goal do better than allowing fate to choose.

happy couple in the snow getty

Have you and your partner started relationship goal-setting yet?

A recent survey revealed that about 55.3 percent of adults feel they will follow through on completing their this year because the focus of 2021 is on doing something new, making a lifestyle change, or setting a personal goal.

This goes the same for relationships. But what if you are your partner just aren’t the type that likes to set goals?


It’s understandable, especially with the pandemic and the civil unrest in our nation, it can almost paralyze you to take action towards setting goals for the future.

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Relationship goal-setting can be easy, even if you and your partner aren't too sure about it yet.

Even though the pandemic was disruptive this past year, couples who have persevered are the ones who are able to introduce new interests in their lives, both together and alone and the only way to do that is by setting goals.

Choose something that will help the two of you feel optimistic. You want to make sure both of you feel good about the goals you are going to tackle in the upcoming year.

If both of you aren’t on the same page, it will be harder to accomplish.

Choose goals that are somewhat flexible in nature, especially if the goal is simple and the two of you are both motivated to achieve it.


An all-or-nothing goal can give you a sense of failure and will cause you to the blame game if one of you doesn’t hold up their end.

Find a goal that incorporates you individually and as a couple. You don’t want to choose a goal where you or your partner has to do all of the work to complete it.

They would definitely be mentally and emotionally drained by the end of the year thus putting a definite strain on the relationship.

Here are 3 goals to focus on - even if you're not the relationship goal-setting type.

1. Set a family goal.

Relationships can be really strained when you're not on the same page when it comes to your family, so create a family goal for the year.


This can do several things. Not only can it keep you motivated and on track, but it also helps your children explore their passions as well.

By asking them questions and doing a group brainstorming exercise you might discover your children’s aspirations or purpose.

For example, planting a family garden or doing community service as a family.

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2. Set a financial goal.

Getting on the same financial page as your partner can be a challenge, especially when it comes to longer-term goals because you almost always feel you can put it off until another day.

The pandemic has taught us that futures are uncertain. So, as a couple, just sit down and first discuss what is and isn’t working when it comes to your finances.


Then, set up a regular schedule to have the money talk to ensure both of you are happy with how things are trending financially and create goals in order to move in the right direction.

And that’s particularly true when it comes to longer-term life goals that can take years of joint effort to accomplish.

3. Set a fun goal.

When you first met your spouse, you spent the majority of your time doing fun activities together.

You might have lost that sense of enjoyment when your family expanded because your time is dedicated to maintaining your family, work, and the little time that's left for yourself.

Creating a fun goal as a couple will increase your bond, communication, and conflict resolution which will ultimately increase your relationship satisfaction.


One thing to keep in mind is to make sure your competitive gene doesn’t kick in if your fun consists of playing games. You don’t want to focus on winning at your partner’s expense.

The fun you were trying to achieve will quickly turn to conflict management, and that can put you off to relationship goal-setting forever. 

By following these guidelines and planning these types of goals for the year 2021, you will enjoy the process even though you never liked doing it in the past.

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Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love. If you are a couple that needs direction when setting goals for the future send him an email at info@keithdent.com.