Resistance Is The Enemy In Your Success

The "new normal" has become a theme in the lives of many of my clients this past week. Even I needed to read it again, because it was coming up for me too!

Even when your "new normal" (the next level you are reaching in your life, yourself, your relationships) is a great thing, you experience abundance and goodness. But you can still experience resistance as you advance towards your next "new normal"....your next level.

That's when the drunk monkey (ego, brain, lower self) sets in: When's the other shoe going to drop? I don't deserve this. This won't last. I will lose it all. The things we tell ourselves that decrease our chances of success. 

And then resistance comes in. What is resistance? It's a silent, invisible force that you can't quite put your finger on. It's the thing that keeps you from doing whatever you need to do to move yourself forward to your next level.

It’s procrastination, rationalization, frustration, indignation, distraction. It's having to pee, go get a coffee, check email, clean your desk, check Facebook and all the other stuff you have to do before you can "get your stuff done." It's that "Why should I always have to do everything?" thought. The feelings of wanting to even the score and not do more because no one else is. It's that thought that sneaks in and says "Don't be a doormat. Why should you give more if he doesn't want to?"

All in an effort to keep you playing small and get you to retreat back to your old comfort zone. Except that your old comfort zone is getting really uncomfortable. You are sick and tired of living like that, putting up with that, doing without that or whatever your "pain" feels like.

When you get really close to a big breakthrough, resistance can freak out on you. It can really create havoc to keep you from breaking into your new comfort zone (new normal). That's when you can get sick or even get hurt.

Even other people in your life can get in on the act at this point. Your business partner, boss, team members, kids, spouse and family can start shaking things up for you with a nice big distraction from moving forward.

Someone emailed me just the other day and asked "Stacey, do you often find that people will have a big breakdown in their relationship at the same time that they have a breakdown in their business? Does this mean the big breakthrough is coming for both?" Such a great question! The answer is yes and yes, but there is a catch.

I often see that people will have a big breakdown in their business and their relationship at the same time. This is no accident. You have seen it, I've seen it, we've all seen it. When someone goes through a divorce, it can take down an entire department in a corporation or take a functioning business into bankruptcy. No one wants to talk about it, but it's the truth.

It's also true that when your relationship is hard, everything in life feels hard. But I'll take it one step further. In my experience, the ceiling on your business is the ceiling on your intimate relationship. That's how far you feel supported to grow and expand. Often the breakdown in one will trigger a breakdown in the other. Mostly because the common denominator in both is you.

To answer the second question, yes, it can mean that a breakthrough is coming in both. Like we talked about last week, when you get uncomfortable, you have a choice. Retreat or walk through that "panic point" and into your next new normal, your next comfort zone.

It's the same in business and in relationships. In order to keep moving forward, you need to take massive strategic action. Surround yourself with a mentor who has already made this leap successfully. People who are either happily living in your next new normal or happily on their way there.

Lets say you surround yourself with people who are living in your old normal and are happy to stay there. Then you start to leave that space and experience the discomfort of growth and change. What do you think the people around you (who are staying in the old comfort zone) are going to say? No judgement. They only want the best for you. But most likely, in one form or another, they are going to say "If it feels bad, stop doing it."

From their perspective, they are just trying to look out for you, trying to protect you. What they are really trying to do is remove the resistance from the air because they feel it. In all honesty, most humans are wired to retreat. So they are doing what they know "If it feels bad, stop it."

But there's one thing that they don't know. They don't know that you feel pulled into your future. They don't feel the call. They don't feel the little voice that you have inside that tells you to not give up. They don't have that little feeling that you have every day. The one that can get drowned out by the drunk monkey. The feeling that keeps you going. The feeling that says if you stop, the pain will be greater than if you keep going.

You know that feeling. You will never be satisfied staying stagnant. When you know that if you do not get out there with your message, a piece of you will die inside. The "not doing" will feel so much worse than the risk of going forward.

So what's the answer?

Surround yourself with people who have that same feeling. People who are being pulled into their next comfort zone or already there. Get a mentor who can guide you, short cut the journey and help you get better results quicker. Get the support, love and unconditional compassion that you need with a group of people on the same journey.

Take massive strategic action to move yourself forward. You will have the big breakthrough following the big breakdown.The big breakdown is nothing more than you and the environment around you hitting the panic button because you are approaching the edge of your comfort zone. Don't freak out. Instead, grab someone's hand and let them pull you into your next comfort zone so you don't retreat.

Join a club for marathon runners and sign up with a marathon trainer. She certainly won't tell you that you are crazy to keep training, in fact, my guess is she's going to turn up the volume on your training. That's what a great coach does.

Go join a Mastermind group for successful entrepreneurs who are constantly breaking through to the next level in their business. Let them stretch you to think even bigger than you have been as they support and guide you to your next new normal. If they are empowering others to do this day in and day out, you are in the right place.

And become a lovie. Come to the relationship breakthrough retreat, or join one of our programs. Get the expert guidance you need. The step-by-step to create massive change in your relationship. The exact how to achieve all the results you want in your relationship. We do this every day here. There's no situation we can't handle. You are going to hit the wall sometimes. It's going to feel lonely and that's exactly why we are here. You can get all the love and appreciation you need on your journey.

Go ask Michael Jordan what his motto is. Go ask Paul McCartney what's his standard for living. Go ask Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates or Barack Obama. Ask anyone who is enjoying an abundant life if they stopped when it got uncomfortable. After they finish laughing.....tell me what they say.

I'll tell you what I say. There's a reason why Paul and I work with Tony Robbins, Keith Cunningham, Fabienne and Derek Fredrickson, Jon Vroman and so many other great coaches and mentors. We have wired ourselves for massive growth and contribution. We have a strong desire to expand, grow and give out of that growth. We have had periods in our lives where we felt like we had to grow or change but didn't know what to do or how. It was super painful and yet, we just aren't wired to be satisfied staying stagnant.

So, we have learned to model, to work with mentors, get coaches to break through challenges and surround ourselves with a community that is happily doing the same. Because of this, we blow through comfort zones into our "next new normal" regularly....sometimes at an extraordinary pace in all areas of life — health, energy, love, fitness, wealth, spirituality, parenting, relationships and fun.

Is there discomfort at times? Oh hell yes! But as you know, our motto is "we'd rather live this way, play full out and have the shit hit the fan once in a while, than live a low grade life every day trying to avoid the pain."

So I ask you. Do you feel a pull into your next level? Do you feel dissatisfied with where you are today? Are you longing for something more? Then post below and tell me.....what massive strategic action are you going to take today?

Sending love,

Stacey

Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation™, Relationship Rescue™ and Relationship Transition™ programs, individuals learn to use her proven strategies and tools to create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime.

Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does not take two to tango, that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. Clients have praised Stacey for helping them to see massive results in record time. Formerly known as "The Ice Princess", Stacey is intimately aware of what it takes to transform oneself to be ready to both give and receive love and passion like you have never experienced before.