10 Reasons The Guys You Meet Online Are Such Disappointments In Real Life

Photo: Yuri Cazac / 
white guy with curly hair laughs into camera, wearing blue rain coat holding a mountain bike

Is it possible to fall in love via texting? It can happen surprisingly easily.

You connect online and the messaging begins. The person is creative and the messages are fun. You talk about Netflix, childhood, past loves, favorite activities, dreams, goals, or music.

The texting deepens as you share pieces of your life. Maybe your texting buddy reveals intimate details that are highly personal, drawing you in closer.

Days go by and the texts just fly. You laugh and feel closer than you have to anyone in a long time. This is fun and you feel like you really know this person. Even better, they seem to know you — as if they're seeing into your very soul.

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It's so easy to fall in love via text, Snap or DM.

The things that are said and shared between you strengthen the connection and you start to imagine that finally, this is the real thing. Then it happens, you feel yourself falling in love and more than ever you want to meet. When can this be arranged?

Texting relationships are often long-distance, which makes meeting each other more difficult. It can require planning a visit, booking flights, or meeting at a central location for a weekend you hope will be nothing short of amazing.

Sometimes your texting love interest lives close enough to meet but is incredibly busy with work, kids, or other important interests — that's okay.

Communicating this way fits perfectly into your life. You might also be extremely busy without much time to date. Or you're simply happy to have conversations by text as you get other things done.

Finally, the time comes to see each other. So much has been built up around this meeting, you feel pressured or overly excited. You hope there will be mutual attraction which should be a cinch.

After all, you really know each other, right?

But for some reason, that doesn't happen. The chemistry is just not there. The conversation face-to-face doesn't flow. What could have possibly transpired to create this awkwardness and devastating disappointment?

Strangely, this keeps happening. You're texting up a storm with someone new and then it fizzles when you meet. Why is it so easy to find people you enjoy texting with, but real dates aren't nearly as much fun?

Why are all the guys you meet online such disappointments in real life? 

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Here are 10 reasons why it's easy to fall in love online (but disappointing in real life).

1. You can text any time, on your schedule.

Texting doesn't require setting a time and place or getting dressed and can easily be squeezed in between other things.

When you meet the person in real life, you may not be in the same sort of mental space, nor might the person you're meeting and you may not be able to hide whatever other things are going on as well as you could via text.

2. You can imagine their voice.

There's no tone of voice with texting and a voice can make you melt or feel turned off.

In real life, it's much more complicated.

3. They write deceptively well.

Some people write better than they speak.

4. They're more confident behind a phone.

Others are more confident writing, hiding behind a keyboard but lose confidence face-to-face.

5. They can present themselves in any way they want.

It's easier for a person to present themselves the way they think you want them to be. This doesn't hold up in person.

6. You can fantasize about them.

There's a fantasy aspect to a texting relationship where you fill in the gaps with what you imagine, rather than what actually is.

7. There's no awkward silence.

Texting doesn't require thinking on your feet like being in person does. So, neither of you can plan what to say, leaving awkward spaces.

8. You only know about the good things.

You're not really getting to know someone via text. Instead, you get to know what they are willing to reveal.

9. You can make up chemistry.

You need to see a prospect in-person to know if there's true chemistry and potential.

10. Texting is safe.

Maybe you're the one hiding out, afraid the person might not like you as much when they meet you.

So, how can you prevent such disappointments in the future?

If you want to find love, limit your texting before meeting.

Quite often, people are disappointed after long-term texting exchanges because no one can measure up to what you create in your mind.

Message and text for a few days, then talk by phone. After a short phone call, maybe 20 minutes, set a date to meet.

The best way to approach dating to find love is to meet and move on if the person is not a good prospect.

Otherwise, you can end up falling in love time after time, without real dates, and end up disappointed or broken-hearted over and over again.

Then, you need time to heal and this could easily cause you to throw in the towel, thinking you're not going to find the right person. The truth is you are not meeting enough people on dates to know who to spend time with.

If your goal is lasting love, stop all that texting. Meet in person and move on quickly if things aren't right. For example, if you spot any of your deal-breakers on a first date, there is no need for a second.

However, if you feel unsure about someone, that requires another date. The "Three-Date-Rule" ensures you don't walk away from a good thing too soon.

Give a decent person a chance to get past the first or second date jitters, with a third when you can. You might find a true gem when you start to give people a chance face-to-face.

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Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Love & Cosmic Coach for 20 years and has shared her sound advice and practical magic for conscious dating, love, and life with thousands of successful single women. Take her Dating IQ Quiz today.