Each type has its own distinct trait.
By Roland Legge — Written on Feb 28, 2019
The Enneagram is a psychological-spiritual tool that can help you to become more balanced in your three energy centers — head (thoughts), heart (emotions), and body (sensations).
It is a map for personal growth that will help you notice when you are getting healthier or staying stuck in the limitations of your ego.
The Enneagram types not only reveal your level of health but also give clues to help you become more balanced.
And, knowing the Enneagram personlity types of your loved ones can help you build healthy relationships with them.
What relationship advice does your Enneagram type need in order to build good relationships with others?
It depends on the emotional, mental, and physical health of you and your partner. You are required to be as healthy as you can be in your Enneagram personality type.
There is no such thing as perfect Enneagram matches. You can build healthy relationships between any Enneagram personality types.
Being aware of the strengths and growing edges of both your types gives you the tools to help you get along better with each other.
It is always helpful to remember that you have all nine types within you. In the end, the goal for you and your friend or partner is to bring out the best in each of you. It helps each of you to get out of your box (type) to expand your consciousness into benefiting from the gifts of all nine types.
The Enneagram is not intended to be used to judge other peoples' personalities and traits. The focus needs to be on you because you are the only person you can change. Also, it helps ifnyou accept your friend or partner as they are.
For you to have a good relationship you both need to keep doing the work to keep you and your relationship healthy.
Here are some Enneagram types, their personality traits, and how to get along with them.
1. Assertive Types
- Type 3: The Achiever
First, a healthy you increases your chances of having a good relationship. Signs of good health include good self-care, staying in touch with your emotions, remaining honest with yourself, and others, and the ability to accept failure.
You are not perfect. But if you are becoming aware of your strengths and growing edges as a type 3, you are on the path towards a healthy relationship with yourself and the people you value.
If you are type 3, you might find it helpful to find a partner who will love your endless amounts of energy, your drive to transform the world, and your hunger to succeed. It would help you to find a person who values your inclination to details.
Find a person who will encourage you in the areas that are a growing edge for you such as taking the time to care for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Let them encourage you to be your authentic self and are not intimidated by your desire to be your best and your natural inclination to competition.
You will want a person who is not afraid to be honest with you and is not scared to challenge you when you get caught up in your need to win at any cost.
- Type 7: The Enthusiast
If you are healthy, you have a better chance of having a happy relationship. As a healthy type seven, you will be able to deal with your internal pain, find ways to complete tasks you have begun, and have the patience and determination to go deeper into self-reflection.
You still have an enthusiasm for life, adventure, and new experiences and don't expect everyone else to travel as fast as you do.
For a happy relationship, find a person who loves adventure too and enjoys spontaneity.
You will want a person who can support you during your tough times and will be willing to journey with you, helping you to find balance in your life.
- Type 8: The Challenger
If you are a type 8, signs of good health include an ability to show your vulnerable side, the courage to stand up for people living on the fringes of society, and awareness of how your honesty and transparency can intimidate others.
Find a partner who will not be intimidated by your intensity, a person who can help you to create a safe space for you to show your beautiful big heart.
You need a partner who will not try to control you and is willing to join in your passion for making the world a better place. You will benefit from a partner who will ultimately accept you for who you are.
You need a person who will be completely honest with you. A person who will be able to challenge you when you get stuck in your ego. A person who will be able to confront you with compassion when your fear of being blocked is taken out in anger against the people you love.
Your partner will be one who has your back and you know that they will always be there to journey with you through all the ups and downs of life.
2. Withdrawn Types
- Type 4: The Individualist
You are a fantastic person. As a type four, you have a hunger to identify your unique qualities and have them honored. You can love yourself, are creative, and experience a deep bond with those you love.
You can see beauty everywhere and have grown to accept the ordinary in daily life. You can celebrate what you have rather than being jealous of what others have. You love to connect to people heart-to-heart and can trust that there are people in your life to support you.
You benefit from having a partner who appreciates your ability to share on such a deep level. Your partner needs to be a person who is comfortable revealing themselves to you, a person who can name their own emotions and not be afraid of them.
As a type four, find a partner who gives you the freedom to express your creative self.
You will find greater harmony with a person who is comfortable journeying with you into the deep abyss of your emotions and who is not afraid of the intensity of the feelings you express. They will encourage you to appreciate what you have rather than getting stuck in jealousy for what others have that you do not.
You want a person who will be willing to create a safe environment where it is safe to reveal your authentic self.
- Type 5: The Individualist
You are brilliant! When you are at your best, you can take care of your body. You are not afraid to share your ideas even if they don’t feel complete. You are a great observer.
While you enjoy a lot of time alone, you can enjoy going out with your partner, friends, and family. You learn how every choice you make impacts the rest of your life.
You can enjoy your ability to fantasize about your life but don’t allow this part of your life to take over.
Look for a partner who will be comfortable with you having time to yourself. You will benefit from having similar interests which will help you to come together mentally, emotionally and physically.
Your lover will give you a lot of space to form your thoughts and encourage you to share what is going on inside your head.
You need to give your partner some updates on your thought processes. Don’t wait until you have made your decision to tell your partner. A surprise like this will not be warmly received as your love had no warning.
Find a mate who will encourage you to get in touch with your emotions, feelings, and sensations. You will need the help of your partner to create a safe space.
- Type 9: The Peacemaker
You bring the gift of peace and harmony into the world. You have the powerful and challenging gift of being able to understand different people’s perspectives which makes you an excellent mediator.
At your best, you are healthy, confident, and expressive — even amid conflict. At your best, you can positively express anger. You are clear about your own needs and not afraid to ask for them. You are not afraid to express your point of view and when conflict does show itself, you can respond to it with confidence.
Often, you are attracted to opposites. There is nothing wrong with this, but you need to find a way as a couple to support each other in your personal growth.
Find a partner who will inspire you to face conflict, someone who can stay calm when talking about difficult subjects.
Look for a partner who won’t take over all the decisions, who will give you room to discern what you enjoy doing — a person who is willing to find a win-win solution.
Let this be a partner who will give you a lot of warning when they want to suggest significant changes in your lives individually and together.
3. Dutiful Types
- Type 1: The Reformer
You have a powerful sense of what is right. You intuitively know what the better way is to live and act in the world. At your best, you are kind and gentle with yourself and those around you. You are patient, kind, and wise. You feel attuned to God and the universe and have a hunger to make the world a better a place. You are tireless in your dedication to your work.
While you are often severe, you have discovered the delight of play and have a great sense of humor. You are finding the courage to express and act upon your passionate desires for your own life.
You will be blessed by a partner who helps you to get out of your heavy seriousness by bringing you out of it with humor, playfulness, and spontaneity.
You will be enriched by a partner who has the same kind of hunger to transform the world. It will be vital that you share interests that excite you both.
So find a partner who will help you to see there are usually more than two options to deal with an issue. There is often a third way.
- Type 2: The Helper
You are such a gift to your community. You have a passion for supporting others in their lives. You have an intuition that helps you to understand what other people need more than any other type.
You are at your best when you care as much for your wellbeing as you do for your friends, family, co-workers, and clients. You are a blessing when you can help others when you don’t have any expectations of the people you support.
Find a partner who will embrace you with love and encouragement and is not afraid to challenge you. You need someone who is wise and will know how to test you with gentleness and respect. You want a person who will not put up with your desire to manipulate when you become desperate for attention.
You benefit from a person who appreciates your generosity of spirit. You will find health and happiness with a person who will encourage you to take care of yourself. You will bloom with a person who does not take your kindness for granted.
- Type 6: The Loyalist
At your best, you a courageous person and are deeply committed to your relationships. People can trust you to follow through on what you promise to do. The safety of yourself and those you care about is always a priority. You love to fix problems before they even become an issue.
You benefit from people that will help you to feel secure in your relationships. You will grow in relationships that encourage you to face your fears, stay present in your body, and focus on what you can change.
You experience transformation through relationships that will confront you in a positive way when out of fear you try to manipulate people and groups into making choices that give you the illusion of safety and security.
You need people who will shine the light on your when you start to get angry with people who refuse to follow your orders.
You will transform yourself and those around you when you can reveal your sense of humor and willingness to be vulnerable when you are in mutual relationships where you have the freedom to be yourself.
You can build a healthy relationship with any personality type.
The most important thing is that you and your friend or partner are on the life-long journey to discovering who you indeed are.
The Enneagram is not a quick fix. It is a tool and teaching that gives you a map or a guide to become self-aware so you can spend more time living as you are meant to be rather than getting stuck in the limitations of ego.
The Enneagram is never enough in itself. Besides this fantastic map, you need to find ways to get better in touch with your body through activities such as yoga, massage, meditation Tai Chi, walking, and other forms of exercise.
Don't shy away from your emotions. Your emotions are full of wisdom if you balance the insights of your feelings with that of the body and mind.
In the end, you want to build relationships that will bring out your best qualities, and challenge you in loving ways when you get constricted in your ego.
You want relationships that honor the life journey you are on; relationships where people take a hundred percent responsibility for their behavior and resist judging themselves and those they love.
Roland Legge is a Life Coach who offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families, and executives to help them to be the best they can be. You can join his private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and get Your Free Enneagram Test and sign up for a Free 30 Minute Discovery Call.
This article was originally published at REL Consultants . Reprinted with permission from the author.