How Letting Pets Sleep In Your Bed Affects You & Your Relationships, According To The Enneagram

Your decision to allow your pet to sleep with you can impact your love life.

How Choosing To Sleep With Pets Affect Your Relationship, According To The Enneagram Adam Kuylenstierna via unsplash

Our Enneagram types explain so much about our behavior, including how we treat our pets.

But, something as simple as choosing to sleep with your pet at night can also affect one other thing in your life: your relationship.

Today, pets have become members of our families. You love them and make sure they are treated well and they make life more pleasurable.

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Your relationship with your dog or cat is much simpler than with another human being. They love you unconditionally and you never have to fear being rejected.

Do you love to sleep with your dog or cat? Sleeping with your pet can be comforting. The sound of their breathing relaxes you and the feeling of a living creature cuddling up to you feels good.

The challenge is when you get so enmeshed with your pet that it becomes difficult for you to welcome the affection of another human being.

Having a healthy relationship with another person is much more complicated. While it can be more challenging, in the end, it is more rewarding.


The challenge is to find the right balance in the power we give our pets in our lives, especially in the bed. In short, we need to learn how to fall asleep without our pets.

In a recent survey given by Mattress Advisor, they asked a thousand people about their relationships with their pets in their beds — and the resulting effects on their relationships.

For example, they found that if you allow your pet to sleep in your bed when you don’t want them to, you are more likely going to be hurt in a relationship.

If your pet is given an occasional free pass, you are more likely to have healthier relationships, and if it does end, it will end on a more mutual basis.


If you let your pets sleep in bed with your approval, then you are more likely to end the relationship yourself.

You can not compare a relationship between a pet and another person — they are just different.

Too often, pets become an excuse not to take the risk of connecting with another human being. They can also be used as a tool to hurt your human partner — this is never the pet's fault. It is always the people’s fault.

For example, my first wife had a beautiful cat. She loved him deeply, and he was part of her life long before she met me.

When I met her, I was allergic to cats, but it wasn’t too bad. Over the years, she insisted that the cat sleeps between our heads on our bed. Over time, it got to the point that I struggled to breathe.


It became clear that I was less important than the cat. When the cat died, I insisted that we don’t get a new cat. But, my wife at the time would not listen to me. Before long, our relationship ended.

My wife and I allowed the cat to control our lives making it difficult to bond as a couple.

So, take this important piece of relationship advice. If you are in a relationship with a person who is allergic to your animal, there are two solutions you need to consider: find a new home for your pet or end the relationship.

Humans need to always be a priority over animals. The caveat being that the pet still requires proper care.

It takes self-awareness to become conscious of how you are using the animals in your life.


Are you using them to meet your emotional needs? Do you have a pet to keep you company? Do you have a pet to avoid needing a human companionship?

If you are having a hard time meeting your significant other, you might want to look at your relationships with your pet. How are you allowing your pet to get in the way of bonding with another human being?

A great tool to help you get in touch with what is going on inside you is the Enneagram personality types.

The Enneagram points out where you get stuck when you are under stress so we can survive in the world. During your childhood and youth, your type kept you safe. When you become an adult, it will hold you back when you are not aware of how your personality is restricting your choices in life.


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Here are the 9 Enneagram types and how each forms a relationship with their pet.

Type 1: Reformer

The pet for a type one will soothe their need to be accepted when they are so tough on themselves.

Type 2: Helper

The pet for type 2 will meet their need to know they are loved and special.

Type 3: Achiever

The pet for type 3 will be a symbol of their success. They won’t have a mutt.

Type 4: Individualist

The pet for type 4 will be a living creature for them to bond with at a deep level. It will be the one living creature who truly understands and respects their individuality.

Type 5: Investigator

The pet for type 4 will allow them to have companionship without the need to talk.


Type Six: Loyalist

The pet for type 6 will be a friend who will comfort them during their fear and anxiety.

Type 7: Enthusiast

The pet for type 7 will be a friend they can share all their adventures.

Type 8: Challenger

The pet for type 8 will be a friend that will provide a safe space for them to show their vulnerable side.


Type 9: Peacemaker

The pet for type 9 will be the essential creature that will help them to know they have a vital place in the world.

Your pet can enrich your life. Animals bring us many gifts including unconditional love, companionship, invitations to play, something to care for and exuberance for life.

Animals have a special place in our lives.

The trouble is when you use your animals as a place to hide from building healthy, loving and transformative relationships with another human being.

Building healthy relationships with other human beings is riskier, but then the benefits of a close human relationship cannot compare to one with an animal.


The research from Mattress Advisor gives us helpful information that can help you to build a good and healthy relationship.

And, the learnings you take from the Enneagram can help you to be more self-aware so that you can have healthy relationships with both people and animals.

RELATED: What The Type Of Pet You Choose Says About Your Personality

Roland Legge can help you to find balance in your life with your furry and human friends. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by emailing Roland or booking your appointment.