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Healing from post-divorce anger takes intention and effort.
By Roland Legge — Written on Mar 03, 2021
Divorce anger is normal. Going through the process is tough, even when done compassionately.
All your emotions are close to the surface and you're angry at life. After all, you expected to be in this relationship until death.
You're grieving what could have been and you're losing the partner you shared every day with.
It feels so lonely now and it's awkward to go out with couples who you used to hang out with together. And, over time, you discover who you are and who your real friends are.
Now, you're responsible for everything in your household and it's easy to feel overwhelmed.
Feeling anger after going through a divorce is totally normal.
Childcare is now a lot more complicated. You may suddenly find yourself as a single parent and you're exhausted, but you're too embarrassed to ask for help.
You're feeling angry at your ex-spouse and probably mad at yourself. You ask yourself, "Why did I put up with the behavior of this person for so long? What did I do wrong? Why didn't I see this coming months ago?"
If an affair occurred, feelings of betrayal would magnify your emotions even more. You will feel angry, enraged, hurt, sad, and disappointed. You'll have many reasons to be angry at life.
Moving through a divorce into new life takes time. The only way to move through this tumultuous time is to experience your sadness, hurt, anger, and disappointments.
Hiding from your pain is only going to make it worse in the long run.
Fortunately, you can learn how to create a safe space to deal with divorce anger and process your emotions in 7 steps.
1. Talk with a trusted friend or family member.
Make time to share what's going on in your life. It helps if you have someone who will listen and honor your story.
You don't want a person who just wants to fix you and make everything OK.
2. Journal.
Writing is a great way to get all your feelings, sensations, and thoughts out in the open.
Journaling is a safe place for you to express your anger, sadness, disappointments, and fears. Writing everything down is a great way to get out into the open how you are feeling angry at life.
3. Exercise.
Stretching your muscles and strengthening your heart will help you know what your body is trying to tell you.
Your body can tell you what you're experiencing now. Your body is less likely to lie than your thoughts or emotions.
Find an exercise that you enjoy, such as yoga, walking, running, tennis, or whatever you like.
4. Prioritize self-care.
Make time for yourself. Read a good book, watch a favorite movie, go for a massage, listen to your favorite music, and cook yourself healthy, delicious meals.
Share a meal with a friend, whether at home or a restaurant. And you can also take a long hot bath.
5. Learn the Enneagram.
The Enneagram is an excellent tool for personal transformation.
When you discover your Enneagram type, one of nine possibilities, you will learn to better connect with your three centers of intelligence. The three centers of intelligence include the body (sensations), heart (emotions), and head (thoughts).
The Enneagram will help you to catch yourself when you are stuck in the limitations of your ego. It will help you be your best and show you a path to healing and new life after your divorce.
6. Get professional help.
There's no shame in seeking professional help. You must find a person you can trust. And when you meet them for the first time, interview them to make sure they are right for you.
There are many different types of coaches, counselors, and therapists available to help you.
If you're in the midst of a divorce, you want a coach or counselor who's an expert in helping people through the divorce.
When you're trying to move on after a divorce, you want a person who can help you name and discover what you want to focus on in the next chapter of your life.
Professional coaches, counselors, and psychologists can help you understand why you are feeling angry at life and help you find a path towards healing.
7. Forgive the past.
Most people misunderstand forgiveness. Forgiveness is all about choosing to not allow the negative experience you had with your spouse to impact future relationships.
There are religious leaders, counselors, coaches, and other professionals to help you.
Forgiveness doesn't expect you to say what happened to you was OK. Any form of violence is never acceptable.
Holding on to your anger and disappointments will only poison future relationships.
Moving through anger after divorce takes love and courage.
If you do it well, it will benefit you and help your ex, your children, and all the many people who love you both.
Right after your divorce, it's normal to be angry at life. Your relationship with the person with who you expected to grow old together is coming to an end.
The ending of your relationship is indeed a hard time, but it is also an excellent opportunity to renew your life.
Learning to connect with your inner world will help you discern how the next step in your life will look.
What are your dreams that you have not turned into action yet? What do you want to continue? What do you want to change?
Now that your divorce is over, it's time to make yourself number one. The more you make sure that you are meeting your own needs, the better you will care and support those you love and serve.
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Roland Legge is a life coach who offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families, and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by sending an email.
This article was originally published at REL Consultants. Reprinted with permission from the author.