This Is The Right Way To Flirt With A Guy (So You Land That Date)

There's a right and a wrong way to flirt.

By Robyn Wahlgast — Written on Apr 25, 2019

Photo: getty

How To Flirt With A Guy & Why Flirting Can Give You Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

Understanding how to flirt with a guy can be tough, but learning the right flirting strategy is key to building self-confidence, self-esteem, and landing that date.

If you Google phrases like "flirting tips" and "how to flirt", you’ll pull up over 40 million articles on this topic alone.

Why do so many people believe that being able to flirt well is an important part of the mating game? In part, it has to do with the personality traits that a master flirt projects:

Relaxed
Playful
Confident

Those are universally attractive and entrancing qualities, to be sure. But what if, instead, you feel:

Stressed out
Anxious
Insecure

That might well be our default starting point after a long week. Not a very flirtatious mindset, right?

But don’t despair: you don’t have to wait until you feel relaxed in order to get your flirt on. Instead, learn how to flirt first and your confidence will follow.

If that seems impossible, it may because you’ve read one of those 40 million articles on flirting.

Unfortunately, most of those tips mistakenly confuse flirtation with…well…desperately drawing attention to yourself in order to spark interest instead of building confidence and self-esteem in yourself.

A couple of popular examples of really bad flirting tips aimed at women include:

"Accidentally" pressing your body against a man whom you’ve just met
Using sexually-charged language, whether in person or via text
Teasing that involves mildly insulting or mocking a man.

You may be relieved to know that a true man magnet would not be caught dead doing any of those things.

In fact, to learn how to be more confident and build confidence, you don’t need to stretch outside the bounds of "nice girl" socializing in order to engage with others flirtatiously — world-class flirting is much subtler.

To start, consider this motivation for flirting: People long to be seen and acknowledged.

Flirtation is just a playful way of saying "I see you, and I like what I see."

A truly great flirt seeks to spread joy among everyone she encounters. And in affirming others, you will ultimately empower yourself.

My tips on flirting will help you embody the innocence and childlike playfulness of a truly world-class flirt.

With that said, high-impact flirting involves doing these 5 things.

1. Be mysterious

Let him wonder what your motives are.

Do you flirt with everyone or are you romantically interested in him? The answer should be deliciously unclear.

2. Don't have a set goal

Never flirt to get something, such a man’s time or attention — that’s begging, and ultimately comes across as desperate.

Simply enjoy the encounter as one of life’s simple pleasures. If he wants to take it further, then let him find a way to do so.

3. Be tasteful

Accomplished flirting can always take place in daylight, in full view of your nosy neighbors, your boss, or even your children.

4. Be mostly non-verbal

The most memorable encounters you will ever have make good use of longer-than-normal eye contact, a softer tone of voice, and maybe a whisper of physical touch.

A bland conversation about the weather can be an effective backdrop for non-verbal flirtation.

5. Affirm him

By "affirming", I don’t mean that you need to explicitly reassure or stroke the ego of your guy — you are not his mom or therapist.

But a man should feel energized and awakened through his interaction with you — like he is Superman.