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You know what you need to do.
By R. Yosef — Written on Dec 10, 2022
So, you are having some doubts about your relationship already. You’re looking for a definitive answer or signs you should break up. What should you do?
Breakups happen because something in your relationship is broken and can’t be put back together. Realizing that it’s broken beyond repair is the hard part. It’s hard to listen to logic when your hearts are still connected so strongly.
How can you tell the difference between broken for good or repairable? Instead of asking yourself, "should we break up?" look for the signs that you should break up for real and give up on your relationship.
Here are 6 not-so-obvious signs that it's time to dump him:
1. You keep having the same conversation over and over again without a resolution
You can be the greatest communicator of all time. You share your feelings often, are vulnerable, and talk things out as soon as they come up, but if you can’t resolve the issue, it’s all for nothing.
If you’ve talked around the same issue for months without coming up with an answer, a compromise, or the next steps to take and are not interested in outside help, it’s time to move on.
2. You’re looking for validation outside of your relationship
A healthy relationship means that both people are secure enough in themselves and in their relationship, not have to seek outside attention or validation when things get tough.
If you are looking for that attention there’s one of three things happening: you are too insecure to be in the relationship, or you are looking for a way out, or you are not feeling safe in the relationship. No matter the reason, it all starts with YOU.
Be sure to listen to yourself and why you need this validation. Have you communicated your needs to your partner? If you have and they are not providing it for you, why are you in the relationship?
3. You are compromising yourself
Compromise is needed in a relationship, but not if it means compromising yourself and your values. If you are constantly compromising on issues that are important to you without receiving the same sacrifice from your partner, you will only grow to resent them.
Never compromise who you are for a relationship. It’s not worth it.
4. You’re sad more often than happy
When things are good they’re really good, but when they’re bad they’re really bad. And lately, things have been bad or sad more often than they are good. We want to hold on to the good moments, they keep us going, but if that means going through the pain on the backend, it’s just not worth it.
Really start paying attention to how much of the time you spend happy vs. sad. Start keeping a daily journal of how you feel to help you sort through the reality of where you are emotionally in this relationship.
Are these feelings self-inflected, do they look familiar to you, or are they a cause of behavior by your partner? If it’s self-inflected, you can still save the relationship by seeking help. If they are caused by your partner’s behavior, are they willing to change that behavior?
5. Your body is telling you so
Sometimes we are so consumed by doubt and fear that we become too confused to decide. The part of us that isn’t confused is our physiology, our body. Start listening to your body, because it will show you quickly where you are in your relationship.
Are you getting a normal period, rejecting your partner with UTIs, or having constant yeast infections? Do you break out from stress or feel fatigued? Your body is reacting to something you have yet to realize and trying to warn you. Pay attention.
6. When you would tell your friend to go
If your best friend were in the same situation as you, what would you tell her? Would you tell her to leave or to stay? Would you think that she deserved more, or could do better? Would you tell her she was settling? If you would tell your friend to leave, why would you stay?
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Ravid Yosef is a dating and relationship coach. She is an established advice column writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, and Award-winning marketer.