5 Subtle Signs Of Insecurity That'll Kill Any Relationship

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Ask 100 different people what they’re insecure about and you're likely to get 100 different answers. It’s a sad truth that everyone is insecure about something. 

Sometimes, these insecurities get in the way of healthy aspects of our lives. It can be really difficult to push them aside and focus on the present moment. 

That’s because we give our insecurities a lot of power. We feel them and let them influence our attitudes and behaviors. 

Or at least that’s how it is in my case. So it makes sense that the signs of insecurities present themselves in the relationships I hold with others. 

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I most clearly see this play out in the almost two-year relationship with my boyfriend. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t negatively affect how I react to certain situations. 

Nonetheless, the first step in making a change is recognizing that a change needs to be made so you can start taking the steps to stop being insecure. I’m well aware that there are personal obstacles I must overcome to reach my full potential as a girlfriend. 

If all of this sounds familiar to you, we might be in the same boat. Think about the reasoning behind your actions in the relationship. Do they come from a good place or are they rooted in self-doubt? 

It’s important to identify when insecurity is getting in the way so that you can tackle the issue head-on.

Here are five subtle signs of insecurity that'll kill any relationship:

1. You find it hard to be happy for your partner

When your partner accomplishes something big or small, it’s a natural response to be happy for them. Their achievements are your achievements, right?

Well, probably not if you’re insecure. 

You might be too focused on feeling like you’re not doing enough in your life. There’s a certain level of comparison that inevitably shows itself when you’re insecure. 

If you can’t bring yourself to share in your partner’s joy, this is a sign that you lack self-confidence and fear that his success will overshadow you. I’ll be the first to tell you, this is no way to strengthen a relationship. 

2. You get jealous when he spends time with other people

Letting your partner have relationships outside of the one he has with you may take a lot of courage. When you’re insecure, you have a persistent worry that if you’re not the center of attention at all times, your partner will lose interest. 

This heavily connects to the way you feel about yourself. Are you afraid that you’re not worthy of being loved? Do you often question whether or not your partner really likes you? 

If you answered yes to these questions, it’s safe to assume that your insecurities bring about jealousy when your partner is with friends and family. 

RELATED: What A Typical Day Of Pure Insecurity Looks Like

3. The love your partner shows you isn't enough

Supposing your boyfriend is loving and affectionate, there might be something off if you don’t fully believe his words and actions. Be aware of your reply to “I love you” being “do you really?” 

The expectations we hold for our partners can be unattainable. There has to be a point where the love he gives you is enough to assure you. 

Otherwise, he’ll be overwhelmed by your constant need for reassurance. You must believe in yourself that what he says is the truth. It’s time you start letting a surprise date be a symbol of his love — what more do you need? 

4. You’re afraid to be without them

If the thought of going a long time without your partner makes you incredibly anxious, this might be a sign that you’re insecure in yourself. Do you doubt you have the strength it would take to be on your own for a while? 

Long-distance relationships are not easy for anyone. But it’s important to know that you’d survive it if you had to. 

Just because you’re not with your partner in person, doesn’t mean that the Earth will stop moving. It’s best to be confident on your own and not place such a high importance on your partner. If they’re ever not in your life, you will still have you and that’s pretty great. 

5. You contemplate ending things even if you’re happy

The negative impact of overthinking is going to be more prevalent if you’re insecure in your relationship. Although you may be happy with your partner, it can be easy to psych yourself into thinking that you can’t handle the challenges of a relationship. 

This shows that you are letting self-doubt and fear take the lead. When you’re insecure about the bravery you possess, you think it might be easier to just break up with your boyfriend. 

However, you shouldn’t give in to what’s easiest, because you are strong enough to get through what’s hardest. 

Not all hope is lost in overcoming your insecurities in a relationship. It’s totally possible to gain the confidence needed to be secure in yourself.

RELATED: 8 Things Men Do When They Are Seriously Insecure

How to stop being insecure in a relationship. 

1. Work on self-improvement

It’s clear that the insecurities in a relationship are a result of your individual insecurities. That being said, you must learn to love yourself and improve upon your weaknesses. 

Whatever way you find best to do this, get to it! Maybe it will come from working out, setting aside time for self-care, or seeing a counselor. 

All that matters is that you begin to take the steps necessary to achieve inner peace and love. Once you cultivate self-acceptance, your relationship will begin to flourish and be driven by healthy emotions. 

2. Challenge negative thoughts 

Whenever you feel yourself being pulled to insecurity, challenge your reaction. It might feel uncomfortable and difficult, but this is an effective way to create change.

Right when you begin to feel negative emotions, question why they’re happening and how you can look at things differently. Stop yourself from blowing things out of proportion and break them down step-by-step. 

There’s no better way to reverse negativity than by working on it as soon as it appears. This will also prevent you from saying and doing things impulsively. 

3. Push through your insecurity

Sometimes it’s best to ignore the insecurities you’re feeling. For example, if your boyfriend recently got a new job, tell him you’re proud and excited for him. 

Even if this isn’t the first thing that comes to your mind, say it anyway. By practicing the responses you truly want to give, it will become easier to say them naturally. 

Similar to a “fake it till you make it” mindset, this will evolve into something you believe. Avoiding insecurity in a relationship, or anywhere for that matter, takes a lot of mind control, but it’s important work that will benefit you and your relationship in the long run. 

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Isabella Pacinelli is a writer who covers relationships, self-love, spirituality, and entertainment topics.