3 Super-Sad Reasons You Keep Chasing Those Hard-To-Get Guys

This isn't the right way to find love.

By R. Yosef
Last updated on Apr 03, 2024

Photo: fizkes | Canva

You tell yourself you're ready for love, and you want to settle down with the one. You want the real thing, but it's not as easy as you thought. With man after man, you keep finding yourself in the same situation. You keep dating unavailable men. So, is it something that you’re doing? Why do these guys keep showing up in your life? The reason why you’re attracting unavailable men has (surprise!) more to do with YOU than with them. Unavailable men are everywhere and they approach all sorts of women, but most women do not allow them into their lives. (You are.) Here are the reasons why you're probably chasing these unavailable men.

Here are 3 super-sad reasons you keep chasing those hard-to-get guys:

1. You are not available

I know this one from personal experience. I knew I wasn’t available and so dating men who were also unavailable meant that I didn’t have to commit, I didn’t have to invest in them emotionally and I didn’t need to take the risk of getting rejected or hurt. I deliberately went out and sought unavailable men out, but for you, it may be more unconscious than that. Maybe you were hurt? Maybe you’re still grieving a past relationship. There’s a reason you are unavailable and therefore allowing these men into your life.

2. You don’t think you deserve better

I know it’s hard to hear, but many of us have this voice in our head that tells us we’re not good enough, we’re not pretty enough or we don’t deserve good things. Maybe you heard the voice long ago when you were growing up. Maybe an ex made you feel bad about yourself. No matter the origin, you are still living with it and believe that an unavailable man is what you deserve.

3. You don’t know how to set boundaries

Most of us are not letting unavailable men into our lives — and yet you are because you haven’t learned how to say no. You haven’t learned how to say that this isn’t what you want and that their behavior is unacceptable. You haven’t learned how to say "I’m not interested." Somewhere along the line, you lost your voice. You lost your ability to create boundaries and in turn, you lose his respect. The only way to get what you want is to say so and then have your actions follow. You deserve love. You deserve to have a man who is present and committed to you. You deserve to be with a man who is ready for the same kind of love as you are.