Why It's Totally OK For Women To Make The First Move — And 7 Clever Ways To Do It
Make him yours.
getty Who says you have to wait for that cute guy to come over and talk to you first? For a long time, traditional gender roles have suggested that men should be the aggressors in dating and relationships. But, now, women are becoming bolder, going after what they want, and getting it.
Women have realized that some guys can be just as nervous and shy as them. As such, helping a guy out a bit by knowing a few smooth conversation starters is not just a good idea, but an excellent strategy for taking control of your dating life and learning how to get a guy to like you.
Many women find it hard to muster enough courage to find topics to talk about with a guy. However, if you consider the benefits of approaching the guy you like and starting a conversation, they will override your fears.
Making the first move to talk to a guy not only gives you an opportunity to get to know him better, but you will also impress him with your boldness.
Knowing how to start a conversation with a guy also gives you an advantage, showing him how confident you are and that you can take initiative — two things good men like in women. Next thing he knows, he's falling in love with you.
You can learn how to tell a guy you like him by overcoming your anxiety and nerves. Remind yourself that your crush has his flaws and insecurities. Bring him back down to earth in your mind and you will find it a lot easier to initiate a conversation with him.
Do not allow your fear to hold you back from going after what you want.
Here are 3 things to consider before you start a conversation with a guy you like and make the first move.
1. Check his "crushability".
Before you initiate anything, you need to be sure that this guy is worthy of your attraction.
Sometimes, you can be attracted to a guy and approach him, but ten minutes in his presence, you realize that he utterly repulses you. If you are not in a position to ask someone about the guy, all you have to do is observe.
How is he behaving around his friends? How is he treating people that are not probably as popular as he is, for instance, the waiters? Is he nice or is he a jerk?
Be sure he is a nice guy before you make any move.
2. Figure out the best time to approach.
When it comes to approaching a guy, timing is everything. Not so much on your side, but on his side.The longer you leave it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.
CNN commentator Mel Robbins says that you only have five seconds to approach him.
3. Stop making excuses.
Some of the excuses that you may tell yourself includes:
- His friends: It might be a bit intimidating to approach him while his buddies surround him, but it also shows great confidence. He will enjoy it.
- The place: Sometimes, you think there are social rules that include not approaching someone at certain places, like the train, library, church and wherever else. These only really exist in our minds. Most people there simply don’t care what you do, as long as you're not hurting someone else. They will more likely be cheering you on.
- The time: It’s too early to meet the man of your dreams? Oh, guess you will never meet him. Come on listen to yourself here, this one is silly!
There’s no excuse that's good enough.
As you can see, there isn't really any good enough excuse, but your brain will try to stop you because it thinks it’s protecting you. This is an old reaction that we have in our brains that some people never overcome.
How do you approach a guy confidently when you're not actually confident?
First, make eye contact and smile at your crush. Pay attention to his response. Does he smile back? If you feel that this has gone well, it is time for the approach.
Sometimes, all a man needs to open up to you is to know that you are interested in him. If you appear pleasant and approachable, a man who likes you will be more open to having a conversation with you.
One of the biggest problem women face when figuring out how to get the guy, is striking a conversation with a guy you just met — and more so, the one you like — is the awkward silence. It is not enough to initiate a conversation; you need to ensure it is the right conversation.
Here are 7 conversation starters and ideas for how to get a guy to like you by making the first move.
1. Ask for his help.
Bringing out a guy’s protective instinct will make him feel more connected to you. Depend on the guy for something. Ask him to carry a few books for you because they are too heavy or to walk you down the street because it is dark. You can even ask him for directions or time.
Men love to feel needed and helpful. So, find a reason to need his assistance. After he has helped you, thank him for his help and offer to buy him coffee to express your appreciation.
2. Compliment him.
Compliments always bring two people closer. No one is unreceptive to a sincere compliment. If you genuinely feel that there is something worth complimenting about a guy, tell him about it.
Be specific: tell him how cute his shoes are, or how well he has put his entire look together. Tell him that he has a gorgeous smile or that his dimples give him a boyish charm that you find adorable.
If he finds you equally attractive, he may respond with a few compliments of his own, and you will have broken the ice.
3. Tease him.
To spice up the conversation, tease the guy a bit. You can tease him by pointing out a cheesy line he uses during your conversation. "Oh! Did you think you won me over?"
Or, you could look at the clean-shaven head and tell him, "You would look great with a huge blue Mohawk. It would bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyes."
Suggesting an extreme makeover for a guy you have just met is excellent for that feeling of instant connectedness. It is also a way of complimenting him without being too serious. And it can work with clothes too. Suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.
You can also result in a competitive tease. Pick something that he says he is good at and challenge him to it. The good thing is that you don’t even have to be good at it.
If you beat him, he will be impressed and if you lose he will bask in the glory of comforting you. "So you think you are good at pool? Let’s see how good you think you are after a game with me!"
(Caution: Do not get too competitive. No guy likes a boastful woman.)
4. Move the conversation after the first 2 minutes.
If you have been talking for a while, it can be a good idea to move. Try one of these:
- Let’s go and get a drink.
- You have to meet my friend.
- You have to see this.
These can get your guy to move so you can have more of an intimate conversation
5. Ask him questions.
When you are in the middle of a conversation with the guy, get him to speak about himself. Start with general questions and only ask personal ones as the conversation progresses.
If you are attending a function, ask him how he knows the host or why he is there. You can also ask him random questions like, "What’s your Myers Briggs Type indicator score?"
As you warm up to each other, you can go off the beaten path and ask questions that are a little less ordinary:
- "What is the craziest thing you have ever done?"
- "If you could fly anywhere right now, where would you go and why?"
Finally, if everything is progressing well, you can get personal:
- "How is someone like you single?"This is a great question to find out if he is single while still flirting with him.
- "What’s your idea of perfect date?" This question gets him to talk about himself and think about what a date with you would be like.
- "What kind of a relationship are you looking for?" This is an excellent question because it lets you know where his head is at.
- "Do you like it when girls make the first move?" This is a perfect question that helps you find out if it is ok to ask him out or wait for him to make a move.
6. Find common ground.
As you listen to the guy, take the opportunity to pick and talk about common interests. The more he feels that you have things in common, the more easily the conversation will move forward.
Remember the guy’s thrill is in the chase. After you have made contact with him, let him work his way into your life.
Do not prolong the conversation. Be coy and shy when saying good-bye to make it memorable. Also, ensure to take your leave just before things get awkward or boring. Leave him wishing that he spent more time with you.
Let him know clearly that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you look forward to seeing him some other time.
7. Tell him you can't wait to see him again.
Approaching men first is a simple-to-understand yet hard-to-do concept for most women when it’s first introduced. But here’s the thing: it gives you a great leg up on other single women.
Not only does it help you meet more men, but it also gives you an ability that most women don’t have, which translates into meeting men they will never meet.
Approaching can be very hard at first and it might take a while to "get it", but when you do, you'll feel in control of your dating life like you never had before.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Randy Skilton is an educator on the topic of relationships (with others and with ourselves). He writes about how women can find and create their dream relationship at Attract Your Dream Guy.