Photo: pexels
And how to save yourself.
By Patsy Rae Dawson — Written on May 06, 2017
What sets off an abuser's scary and unreasonable violent rages? When you disagree with them? Break something? Disobey them?
In their book, A Cry For Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church, authors Jeff Crippen and Anna Wood share: "Raging can be kindled in a microsecond. It is actually more an act of an evil intent rather than a 'loss' of temper or control.
The rager can start or stop his tirade when the phone rings or there is a knock at the door, and he can choose to rage about a certain thing one day and ignore it the next.
They also share something far more innocent that can often trigger domestic violence and the cruel wrath of an abuser.
"One victim described how her abuser husband could explode in a surprise attack, and what often set these rages off was for him to see her or the children happy. Once he walked in when two of them were laughing, really enjoying themselves in a rare moment of fun. He threw his drink across the room, smashing the glass on the wall, and launched into a hellish tirade against them."
Why is "happiness" such a heinous sin against the abusive husband and father?
Jeff and Anna explain, "Happiness and joy in domestic violence victims removes the abuser from the center of their universe, and he won't have it. A happy person is a free person, and the abuser thrives on keeping his victims enslaved."
In other words, if an abuser allows his victims to feel happy, then he loses much of his power to manipulate them. His job is to keep them always guessing and off-balance about what he wants from them. A happy, laughing family limits his control.
This is not just a trick of abusive men.
Wives have been known to pick a fight when their husbands came home excited about an achievement at work. A man once told me, "My ex-wife's tongue was so vicious, I will never marry again. I prefer the company of my horses and dogs to a woman who was determined to continually tear me down."
So, if you're depressed and can't seem to please that abuser, step back, watch, and listen. Take note of what sets him or her off. Then, thank God often for opening your eyes to domestic violence. You may want to visit your local spousal abuse shelter to get advice on how to deal with your particular situation.
For more information from Jeff and Anna, sign up for Jeff's blog. Start by reading his excellent article, "Bitterness or Righteous Anger–How to Tell the Difference."
YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.
This article was originally published at http://embarrassthealligator.com/. Reprinted with permission from the author.