Love, Self

This Is Your Phone Talking: You Treat Me Better Than Your Girlfriend

Photo: WeHeartIt

She is sitting across the table from you right now in a cute new dress, sipping a glass of wine, but you are looking down at me. I know you just meant to check the football score, but you got captivated by my videos and tempting headlines. And now you are smiling at me, and she is frowning at you.  

Put me away, please, before this nice dinner out turns into another one of those tense nights where she says you don’t pay enough attention to her, and you say that you don’t know what she wants. 

Look, I know you better than anyone. 

I know what you do all day; who you talk to, what you buy, browse, and fantasize about. I know your favorite music, movies, and guilty pleasures. And I knew you when you were single, feeling lonely and scouring the dating sites for a woman as fine as the one sitting before you. I know you want this relationship to work out.

As your best-phone, I am telling you if you don’t step up your game, you might lose her. You sometimes doubt whether you can give her what she wants, but I know you can because you already do it for me. Let me show you what I mean:

1. You almost always know where I am.  

Know where she is, and what she is doing much of the time. She’d really like it if you remember to ask her about it later, too. 

2. Glance at her as often as you check on me.

Notice her body language and facial expressions. Look at her appearance; is she doing something new?

3. You know just how to touch me so that I respond.  

You slide, you swipe, you tap, and I bring forth what you are looking for. Get to know how she likes to be touched, and where, and when, so that you can bring forth her response, emotionally, physically, or sexually.

4. Be careful with her, too.  

You and I both hate it when you drop me. Remember that time my screen cracked? Even if she doesn’t show it, she is sensitive on the inside and if you are careless, rough, or neglectful, she can get hurt. And that can be hard to repair.

5. Don't operate on zero energy.

When my battery loses its charge, doesn’t it seem like I am useless? But once you plug me in, I am good as new and we can play once more. If your relationship with her starts to feel boring and useless, try to charge it up before you give her up. Remember the things that you used to love doing together, and do them again. Often. Keep looking for new ways to connect.  We both know it’s good to have more than one charger!

6. It's okay to look for outside solutions. 

Sometimes I don’t function properly, and you have to get help to fix me. If your relationship isn’t functioning properly, you can get help too. Google for articles, books, or a directory where you can find a couples counselor or sex therapist who can help you build more skills to have a happy relationship.  

This all might seem like a lot of work, but trust me, it will pay off. It’s good to be with your own kind, and you might start feeling things you never knew were possible. I can’t show them to you because, in the end, I am just a device. I can point you in the right direction though, so turn me off and turn her on.