7 Steps To Finding Love When You’re Too Old To Play Games

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couple finding love later in life
Love

Are you tired of playing games when it comes to love? Feel like you’re too old to put up with the emotional drama that you experienced in your youth?

You just want to know how to find love and make it last. The good news is that you can learn how to find love later in life!

By making a few adjustments in your thinking and in taking new actions, you can transform your frustration into lasting love, no matter your age.

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How do you approach finding love later in life?

People play games in their relationships because they aren’t emotionally aware or mature enough to take responsibility for their behavior.

If you feel like you’ve done the work and are ready for something different, there's a new approach to lasting love that will take all the drama out of your search.

Finding love as a mature adult is different than when you were younger.

In your teens and 20s, almost everyone you meet is single and open to new experiences. You meet people in school, through your friends, at parties, or at a job. It seems like there is an endless supply of romantic possibilities when you're young.

As you get older, more people you meet are married or in a committed relationship. It feels more difficult to meet new single people, and the ones you do meet have baggage from their previous relationships.

You're more experienced — and more cynical.

You also have more experiences that have clouded your perception of love and relationships. You're clear on what you don't want, but likely don’t believe you can find what you really desire.

If you want to know how to find love when you’re feeling like lasting romance has passed you by, then you are ready to take a new, more adult approach to love.

Here are 7 steps to finding love when you're too old to play games.

1. Adjust your attitude to love.

All of your heartbreaks and frustrations — along with your dating horror stories — can leave you feeling jaded about the possibility of finding love again.

Love, by its nature, is limitless. It doesn’t discriminate. There is no higher power deciding that love isn’t in the cards for you.

Start by examining your negative thoughts and feelings about dating and relationships. Get curious with yourself and see if those beliefs are really true, or if they are in place to protect you from getting hurt again.

If you approach every opportunity with a negative inner-dialogue about how it won’t work out, then you’re going to be predisposed to finding fault. Keep an open mind, but stay unattached to any outcome.

See if you are looking for someone to look past your negativity and discover the diamond inside. This is asking a lot of someone else, especially a stranger who doesn’t know you have a heart of gold.

Allow yourself to shine your light so that others may see the real authentic you. By being curious about yourself and curious about your dates, you create a space for a connection to form.

2. Let go of the past.

Did you discover you're holding onto past hurts and disappointments? These old emotional wounds are blocking you from finding love.

When you hold onto past wounds, you energetically keep yourself attached to the past. Maybe you feel regret for the choices you made. Or you’re still feeling hurt because of a past betrayal and you're cynical about love.

This cynicism is hard to overcome if you're unwilling to examine the past and release yourself from its hold. Develop a regular practice of forgiveness.

Lasting love doesn’t just happen, it takes some awareness and maturity. Forgive yourself for your immaturity. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better. Forgive your exes for their mistakes and bad behavior.

3. Learn from your mistakes.

Take time to discover how you can grow in your self-awareness and in your ability to be more present to your life now.

Every negative experience you have is an opportunity to discover more and grow into a better version of yourself. Transform your past mistakes into treasure.

Approach your past relationships as a treasure trove of learning that can teach you to choose better partners, to communicate more clearly what you desire, and to reveal areas where you can become a better person.

If you're looking for how to love again despite your past, then learn from your mistakes and use them as fuel for your growth. You'll release yourself from the hurts and disappointments of the past, freeing you up to create more love.

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4. Get clear on what you want.

Most people struggling to create lasting love are clear on what they don't want, but are a bit fuzzy or generic about what they do want.

Can you create a vision of your ideal relationship? Can you see yourself with your soulmate?

If you can’t see it, then you cannot create it.

When you look at the list you created of the man you are looking for, notice how many of the items on the list are in reaction to some past experience.

Was your ex emotionally unavailable and uncommunicative? Then a good communicator becomes a beacon of what you are looking for now.

The truth is, you can’t create the opposite of what you don't want. When you do the inner work to heal and release the past, then the energy on those past experiences no longer motivates you. This frees you to create from a place of positivity.

5. Take a new approach to dating.

If love is magical and accidental, then dating is like playing the lottery. You never know what you’ll get and the odds are against you.

But if you take a conscious approach to dating, then it can be the best tool for creating lasting love with an ideal partner.

The old approach says that you should just grin and bear it, hoping that you’ll meet someone who fits some items on your desired list, so you can give it a go. This is the list that grows longer with every negative experience you have.

When you do find someone acceptable, you leap into exclusivity in hopes that they don’t get away. You may even act more like the other person in the relationship, using your skills honed in your professional life to shape them into the person of your dreams.

Pursuing them, inviting them into your social circle quickly — or even worse — into your business.

Want to know how to find love and make it last? Slow down the dating process.

Date more than one person at a time. Relax into your feminine, and allow the cream to rise to the top.

If you meet someone you are attracted to, don’t rush to exclusivity. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see them for who they really are. Hold off on sex until you can have an adult conversation about what it means to you.

Dating like a grownup means it's OK to have adult conversations about what you want and need in a relationship. It means you value being authentic over being easy to get along with. Never sacrifice your authenticity for approval.

Taking this approach allows the people who really want a relationship with you to stand out over the rest.

6. Lean into conflict.

You probably learned at some point to pick your battles in your relationships. Or maybe you thought that being easy-going was the key to getting along.

If you are avoiding conflict because you're afraid of what will happen, then you aren't being authentic in your relationships.

Conflict is natural in intimate relationships. When approached consciously, it can actually create a deeper connection between the two of you.

When you're dating someone, it's important to discover if the two of you can navigate through conflict together. Can the two of you get past your differences and create a deeper connection? Or are you unable to find common ground and understanding?

Don’t brush aside your differences if you really want to know how to find love. Instead, use conflict as an opportunity to discover more about the stranger you’ve met, to find out if this is an ideal match for love to last.

7. Act as if you've already found love.

How would you go through your day if you knew without a doubt that you and your soulmate are 100 percent going to meet? What would be different about how you moved through the world?

When you act as if you already have what you're looking for, you're more relaxed, confident, and able to be yourself.

You don’t take rejection so seriously because you know your soulmate is out there. You don’t hold onto any rejection because it just brings you closer to your goal. If it doesn’t work out with someone your only thought is, “Next!”

It’s time to stop playing games with yourself and your dates and start getting serious about finding love. Take a more conscious approach to finding love later in life, and you’ll not only find the love you desire, but you’ll enjoy the process much more.

RELATED: 2 Huge Reasons Single Women Over 40 Have A Hard Time Finding Love

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Orna and Matthew Walters have been soulmate coaches for over a decade and helped thousands of readers create long-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their ebook, Recognizing Mr. Right, along with a guided program on self-acceptance from their website.

This article was originally published at Creating Love on Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.