3 Really, REALLY Good Reasons *Not* To Remain Friends With Your Ex

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Why You Shouldn't Remain Friends With An Ex
Love, Heartbreak

Many women tell me they have become good friends with the guys they had intimate relationships with in the past. They see it as a sign of emotional maturity. Meanwhile, both parties are emotionally stuck.

Here are three reasons the past is for learning and growing, rather than something you should drag into the future:

1. He will keep you in the past.

No matter who initiated the breakup, one person always wants to get back together and the other likes the friendship arrangement. Because so many people dread developing new intimate relationships, the tendency is to hold tightly onto old ones.

The shared history gives you a sense of being in a relationship, but without the work it takes to keep it alive and healthy. When you go on romantic dates with someone new, this past relationship becomes a barrier for emotional availablity.

In fact, some women feel guilty about dating, like they are betraying the ex-boyfriend even though the romantic relationship with him is over. You can attain true and lasting healing from past relationships so you don't repeat old patterns that don't lead to committment.

2. You will end up in bed.

Sleeping with an ex is easy but emotionally unhealthy. You may go out one evening for a drink (or two) "as friends," and one or both of you remembers that initial attraction. Or you're feeling a little lonely (because there are times when being single is isolating) or thinking you need a confidence boost, and you turn to your ex to fill a void that he cannot possibly fill.

The next day, all you're left with is regret or a very misguided sense you may get back together. 

3. You won't meet the right guy.

It's important to explore the reason you fell for your ex so you don't repeat the same mistakes. But when he's in such close contact with you on a regular basis, you won't see the right guy if he's standing right in front of you because you'll compare him to your ex — as if your ex is the gold standard for men, even though your ex wasn't right for you.

If you're ready to find the right man, there's a process to attracting the right relationship.

The finality of ending a relationship completely by stopping all communication seems so traumatic to many women. The emotional connection in love and that gaping void after a breakup almost feel too difficult to live through. However, every person can start over and attract lasting love with the right guy, leaving the past behind and learning a better pattern for relationship success.

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Taking this step of courage and faith will allow you the time necessary to focus on changes that will bring the right man into your life. You can being now. Leave the past where it needs to stay and embrace the bright future you so greatly deserve.