When He Consistently Does Any Of These 8 Things, He's Slowly Trapping You In A Toxic Relationship

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Subtle-But-Serious Signs Of A Toxic Relationship & Emotional Abuse
Heartbreak

Are you in a relationship that's beginning to feel unhealthy — and worse, you're convinced that the problem is you?

When you constantly take on the negative criticisms and emotional abuse of a toxic lover, it can be confusing when problems are blamed on you or you're told that you're the one that has all the issues.

What are the warning signs of a toxic relationship that you need to pay attention to? You may not even be aware that you're in one.

RELATED: 10 Huge Things You Need To Know About Leaving A Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships can be deceptive — on the surface, they can look perfect. However, deep down, you can probably feel that something is not right. Too often, it's easier to shut yourself off from what is really happening in order to avoid facing what is really going on.

8 Signs of a Toxic Relationship to Never Ignore

1. He's envious of your success.

Do you have a partner who acts polite but underneath they harbor envy and hate towards you? Do they feel intense pain when you are successful or happy? They may be secretly competitive or they are comparing themselves to you.

Many who feel unsatisfied in their life will hide how disappointed they feel when others have success or share the good news.

Toxic partners feel the excruciating pain of feeling inadequate and they cover it up by smiling, not saying anything, or they comment on something negative to minimize their disappointment in an effort to protect themselves from the painful hit to their self-esteem.

They feel like a failure around other people's success and it highlights how they've not met their own expectations. It seems unfair that others have done better — it's a competition or a race to be the best.

You cannot rise above them or they will crush you with destructive envy.

2. He criticizes or devalues you in order to rise above you.

If you're in a toxic relationship with someone who suffers from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they can feel pleasure when they put down the success of others by defeating them or making devaluating comments so they can feel superior.

So they do not feel deflated or inadequate, they end up criticizing others in order to modulate their fragile self-esteem. They inflate their grandiosity to convince others of how good they are.

Since they feel superior, they openly disapprove of others.

3. He turns the problem around and makes it your fault to cover his actions.

Toxic people blame others for their mistakes and find ways to cover up their actions so they're never at fault. They will find a way to turn the problem around to be your fault.

They avoid the humiliation of shame-induced judgment by distorting the truth and they avoid taking responsibility to cover up their mistakes. They do this by finding fault in others, whom they blame for their shortcomings.

They lost their job because their boss was threatened by them. Their ex-partner was the crazy one. They cheated because their partner never gave them sex when they wanted it.

You're told that you should get over issues and not bring them up. It is always the other person's fault and they're perfect.

RELATED: If Answering These Questions Make You Uncomfortable, You Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

4. He pushes his view to prove he's right, not considering your point of view.

You may be falsely convinced that they are always right, but they seek admiration when others need them as the expert for advice.

Toxic people and abusers always know better than anyone else and feel above others. When they see others as beneath them, they feel special and it takes away the deflating pain of their empty self.

5. He uses you for his own agenda while discarding or bringing you down if you expose him.

These toxic lovers pretend to be Mr. Right in order to lure you into a relationship for their benefit. But they will discard you or devalue you when their needs are not a priority anymore.

They may even spoil your happiness and success, or talk you down. You are simply there to give them something they need, such as approval, money, sex, love, and/or support.

After a date, you may not hear from them unless they need something from you. They pretend to be interested in you as long as they're getting something from you.

Sometimes, they just want someone to admire them or inflate the ego when it's deflated. Other times, they stonewall or withdraw to avoid exposure of not being perfect so no one discovers who they really are.

They feel good by promoting themselves, focusing on themselves, and acquiring others in order to achieve their goals.

6. He portrays a false persona to mask who he really is.

A toxic relationship feels empty and vacuous since the toxic person cannot open up about themselves. They pretend things are fine, not revealing any weakness.

In narcissistic fusion, they will tell people what they want to hear and mimic what they need, so they can obtain their own objectives. The truth will be revealed when they are emotionally unavailable for the needs of others.

RELATED: 7 Things A Toxic Relationship Will Teach You About Love

7. He has no empathy or remorse.

They have no empathy or remorse for how they treat people because they feel like they have the right to behave in whatever manner meets their own needs with no regard for others.

When others fail to serve their expectations, they justify cheating or having affairs. They portray themselves to be kind or they pretend to have empathy so that people are there to give them what they need.

You are only wanted if you serve a need for them; otherwise, your feelings do not matter.

8. He sees everyone through his own behavior.

Toxic people project their sense of inadequacies onto others by finding things wrong with them or finding fault in them to protect against these feelings. They are delusional and see everyone through their own projections, distorting the way they see others and relate to them.

They see others like them, the part they hide. They accuse others of cheating, being useless, being selfish, or a fraud. You will be attacked or insulted for things that do not represent you because that's how they see you.

If you're seeing signs of a toxic person in your partner and you're in a relationship with them, you can learn to not take on the criticisms, but see the person for who they really are.

Remember that a toxic person may have had parents who were envious and criticized or humiliated them, so they hide their real self. So, perhaps, your partner had to measure up by doing whatever their parents wanted and be good at it. They felt like a failure if they didn't meet their parents' expectations or needs.

Some were told they could do no wrong and the world re-evolved around their needs.

They will not take ownership and see the part they play in relationship problems. They will feel injured when issues are raised and turn it back on their partner for attacking them or criticizing them. So the partner feels beaten down and gives up, feeling wrong.

If you detect these warning signs, you have to be careful when taking on negative feedback, which may not pertain to you. Your self-esteem can be diminished.

If you can separate yourself from the abuser, you can protect yourself from destructive envy or toxic abuse. If you see the person as wounded, you can learn to let go of blame or feeling at fault for things that are not your fault.

If you cannot assertively express yourself or raise issues because you get abused, then perhaps you need to consider why you allow yourself to be in a toxic relationship and find out how to have self-love within yourself.

If you recognize these red flags, then perhaps you need to do something to pave the way for healthy relationships instead.

RELATED: Why Optimistic Women Stay Trapped In Toxic Relationships

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Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who deals with trauma bonding in abusive relationships and attachment trauma. For more information on how she can help you, visit her website and reach out to her.

This article was originally published at Counselling Service Melbourne. Reprinted with permission from the author.