Photo: Victoria Heath | Unsplash
Focus on the soul not the body.
By Meenu Mehrotra
Last updated on Apr 12, 2024
We all dream of having the perfect man. The man we dream of being with for the rest of our lives, making each other happy, and growing together. But before we meet that so-called “perfect man,” we have to go through a few rejects, or we could mistakenly end up with the guy we initially thought was Mr. Right but turned out to be completely wrong.
Sometimes we think we love a guy, but that’s only because we see straight through his many flaws. Not to say that flaws are necessarily always a bad thing. I mean, we all have them. But some flaws are damaging to not only themselves but others as well, things like having no motivation, being constantly rude, and being manipulative.
When we are head over heels in love, we don’t see these things. We see Mr. Right, or at least who we think is Mr. Right. But here’s a suggestion for when you do happen to wake up from that dream: run and don’t look back.
Here are 5 tiny mistakes women make when falling in love that just lead to heartbreak:
1. Don't try to settle down with a guy who is in between work
Be wary of men who are without work, even if you are very interested in them. It's often better to keep him in the friend zone while he finds himself. A man without work has low self-esteem and self-worth, will most likely be broken emotionally, and still needs to find his way in life. Wait until he is doing something he loves before trying to settle down with him.
He's lost and wouldn't value you for what you are, and any amount of financial or emotional help from you will not soothe or awaken the man in him or get him onto his path. His life is a big mess, and you will become another part of that chaos. It's simply not worth it. Don't even tread the path of love with such a guy unless you are ready to undergo immense pain.
2. Don't ignore signs of manipulation
Little promises kept tell you a lot about a man's character. When he says he'll call, he calls. When he promises to be there at a certain time, he is — these seemingly unimportant actions unveil his true self. A true man doesn't manipulate his actions and words to get your approval or avoid a conflict. Sticking to his words reveals his value system and how much he honors himself and you.
But being with a man who doesn't honor his words and keeps justifying his actions by lying is to be with someone who is not true to himself. You will be on tenterhooks all the time wondering whether to trust him or not. You will begin to question his intentions and motives and eventually become insecure. He is very likely to cause extreme anxiety.
The argument you are likely to give yourself might be, "I can see through him, and even if he thinks he can fool me, he can't. I can handle this," but that's only going to complicate matters. Beware!
3. Recognize if he's a weak conversationalist
Passion and attraction can turn women blind temporarily, but what makes a relationship last are the real things. Never be with a man with whom you can't have a real conversation and can't share yourself honestly and truly.
Talking and sharing come naturally to women, and it is an instinctive part of their emotional fabric. So, to be able to talk about everything that is going on inside them, their man is primary and crucial for the growth of the relationship. A woman needs to feel the comfort of being in a man's company and needs the emotional and intellectual kick, via talks, to foster her growth as well as that of a man. It is mandatory to make the relationship work. Interesting and stimulating conversations are the fuel to keep the relationship alive and kicking. Don't underestimate its importance ever.
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4. Don't ignore his poor sense of humor, run from it
Stay away from a man who takes life too seriously and laughs rarely. A man who doesn't laugh often is unlikely to make you laugh, too. A man with a naughty streak will look at life's problems with a more positive attitude and is more likely to handle them better and more maturely than the cynical ones who take every obstacle too seriously and refuse to look at the brighter side of life.
Time will fly with a man who makes you smile and laugh all the time, and life will be easy even when problems plague it. It's a quality that will add immense value to the relationship.
5. Never settle for mediocre sex.
Don't settle for anything that doesn't make you passionate. Most women settle for mediocre sex while thinking this is the best they can get or assume it's not a bad bargain if the rest of the things in a relationship are in place. Nothing is farther from the truth than this illusion.
Sex (passion) is the most potent force that will drive your life, and it is a cardinal need that cannot be replaced by any other. Sex is directly related to your self-worth, and choosing to be with a man who gives you less than what you deserve or falling for a man where there is no apparent chemistry between both of you is calling for bitterness, resentment, and pain in the long run.
Understanding how to pick a good guy means waiting for the one who will set your soul aflame rather than settling for someone who can barely take care of your body's needs. Sex is all about the soul, not the body.
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Meenu Mehrotra's work has appeared in national magazines and newspapers. She is a Certified Archetypal Consultant and Certified Angel Card Reader.