5 Reasons Why He Won't Let You Break Up With Him

It's actually an abuse dynamic.

By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Jun 28, 2021

Photo: Getty

You and your boyfriend are absolutely miserable. You're not even in a healthy relationship, anymore. And, yet, when you try to start a breakup conversation, he won’t let you break up with him!

Do you try to repeatedly walk out the door or ask him to leave, only to have him refuse?

Are you going crazy, trying to get out of this relationship and move on? Is even your mental health suffering because of it?

Figuring out how to break up with someone who doesn't want to break up can be maddening. But, when you understand the reasons why he won't leave, you can get rid of him for good!

Here are 5 reasons why he won't let you break up with him.

1. He wants the power.

When you try to break up with your boyfriend, does he say, "You won’t be doing the leaving... I will"? Does he refuse to respect your wants and needs because it’s all about him?

I have a client who's been having an affair for years and she wants, more than anything, to end it. Whenever she tries, he threatens her, swearing that he will be the only one who decides when they are over.

And he usually walks out, only to reappear a few days or weeks later, like nothing ever happened.

If your guy wants the power, dig deep and get some power of your own. If he doesn’t want to leave, you leave, even if it's just for a few weeks.

If he leaves and then tries to worm his way back in, don’t let him. You have power in this relationship and in your life. Use it!

2. He wants someone to take care of him.

Every guy just wants to be taken care of. No matter how successful or independent they are, having someone tend to their needs is a key part of their happiness.

Imagine if you broke up with him — who would take care of him?

I have a client who took care of her man in a big way. She paid for the furniture for his apartment. She cooked and cleaned and walked the dogs.

She was always there, waiting for him when he got home after work. She loved taking care of him, so she did.

As time went on, she felt like he was taking her for granted. He stopped coming home to spend time with her.

When he was home, he was crabby. She continued to take care of him but was getting nothing in return. Soon, she decided that she was done.

Whenever she broached the subject of breaking up with him, he begged her to stay. He made promises that he would change — promises of love and forever.

And so she stayed and continued to take care of him. And he went right back to taking her for granted.

He needs someone to take care of him and he won’t let you break up with him because he doesn’t want to lose his chief bottle washer.

So, what do you do? You stop taking care of him. That should do the trick.

3. He likes the sex.

Many men are very much driven by sex. They think about it 24 hours a day and will do almost anything to have easy access to it whenever they can — and that means you.

If you break up with him, he will no longer have access to the sex that he craves. Instead of coming home to you every night, he will have to make an effort elsewhere.

And, while men love sex, making an effort to get it isn’t always so appealing.

Furthermore, sex that is the result of conflict, which is often ever-present when people are trying to break up, is really good sex. So why would he walk away from that?

The cure for this issue? No more sex. Period.

4. He doesn’t want to have to date again.

Be honest: isn’t one reason why you struggle to break up with him because you're wavering a bit?

Does the idea of putting yourself back out there and dating again make you almost wish that you could just stay and make the best of it?

I'm guessing the answer is "yes." And it’s the exact same for guys.

Dating is a drag. Why would he want to put himself through that, especially if you're taking care of him and having sex with him?

Stop making his home life so comfortable. Instead, start going out with your friends and not sitting around waiting for him.

Try to rebuild your single life so that when you're actually out, you're ready to hit the dating ground running!

5. He's embarrassed.

Many men are very prideful. To look good in the eyes of others, especially other men, is what drives him to succeed. If you want to break up with him, instead of the other way around, then he loses face.

I have a client whose boyfriend offered to let her break up with him but only if she continued to make appearances for Sunday night dinner at his folks' place. He had been through a few relationships before and his brothers gave him a lot of grief about it.