3 Things To Do If You're In Love With A Guy Who's Already Taken

Photo: getty
3 Things You MUST Do NOW If You Want Him To Leave His Wife
Love, Heartbreak

Ok, so you are having an affair with a man who's already "taken" — maybe he's got a girlfriend or is a married man.

The love that you share is so intense, unlike any other love that either of you have ever experienced, maybe more than anyone else in the whole history of the world has ever experienced. The most amazing love ever.

Okay. All of that being said, your lover won’t leave his wife. Sure, he says he will. Once he gets through this tough project at work. Or once she gets a raise. Or once the school year is through. Or maybe when the cows come home.

The thing is, he has been saying these things over and over and over and nothing ever happens. And you are frustrated, to say the least.

So how do you get men who cheat to follow through on all those promises and leave his wife for you? 

1. Stop having sex with him.

I know. The sex is amazing. The best you have ever had. Him too. And the thought of giving it up is just devastating.

Or maybe you think that, if you continue to give him this mind-blowing sex, he will one day have an amazing orgasm and then realize that he can’t live without you and go home and tell her that he is gone.

Yeah. That’s not gonna happen.

You know the phrase "Have your cake and eat it too"? That’s what’s happening here. 

No matter what they say, men are mostly motivated by sex. If he can have mind-blowing sex with you whenever he wants and still be safely married and living at home, why wouldn’t he?

Breakups are hard. Divorce is even harder. Hard on the finances. Hard on the kids. Hard on the lifestyle. So if he can get laid and stay married, he will. Period. No matter what he says.

2. Stop talking to him on the phone.

I know. Your conversations are amazing. He tells you how wonderful it is to finally find someone that he can really talk to. Someone who really understands him. He lives for these phone calls. They make his day.

And you, of course, because like all women you want to save him, love this role you play. The woman who loves and supports him and who can be his life jacket when he is drowning.

You think, "If I can just be there for him, supporting him, loving him, then one day he will realize that we are meant to be together and go home and leave his wife."

Or he can use you as a life raft to keep from drowning and he can go home and watch Game of Thrones with her. The two of them side by side on the couch. Maybe eating ice cream together. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Don’t kid yourself. All that support you give him isn’t going to make him wake up and appreciate you. He is a man. He feels entitled to have you.

RELATED: 9 Ways To Cope When You Realize You're The Other Woman

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Join now for YourTango's trending articles, top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

3. Stop gracing him with your presence.

I know women who truly believe that if they stop seeing their lover, he will forget them and never leave his wife. Yeah. This just isn't true.

You are a life buoy for your lover. You provide him love and sex and companionship and respite from an unhappy marriage. If you are suddenly gone he will be without that safety device and I can guarantee that he will miss you.

You know that saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? That should be the motto that all women live by.

Men want what they can’t have. That’s the hunter in them. So, if you don’t give your man your physical presence, he will miss you and perhaps even value you more in your absence.

And maybe, just maybe, consider leaving his wife to get you back.

I am hoping by now that you get the gist of what it’s gonna take to get the guy you love to leave the woman he's committed to. You removing yourself completely and totally is the only way it will happen.

Here is the thing. Your lover is either going to leave his partner or he isn’t. There is nothing that you can do or say that will make him do so before he is ready. If he ever is ready.

So, if you are frustrated by the life that you are living, the life of the other woman always waiting for her man to be available, then you have to make a choice.

You can stand around and wait for him, be his life raft and his sex partner. Perhaps, someday, he will be yours. But most likely he never will be.

Or you can dig out your pride from the dark closet it has been stored in, get a backbone and walk the hell out of his life. If you do so, you will show him that you are a woman worth fighting for, not someone who will sit idly by, making sure that her man is okay.

What if he doesn’t realize? What if he never leaves his wife? Then good riddance.

Who wants a man who makes promises that he doesn’t keep, who doesn’t value what an amazing woman you are, who takes his life for granted, not realizing that he is wasting precious time being unhappy.

And you, by walking away, will be given the chance to live your life and find a man who doesn’t use you as a flotation device, who rocks your world sexually and treats you like a queen.

Because you will find the perfect guy. But only if you are out there available to be found.

RELATED: I'm The Other Woman And Loving Your Husband Hurts Me, Too

Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, The Good Man Project, among others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help.