Photo: Unsplash: Daniel Monteiro
It's a whole lot more simple than you might think.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Sep 05, 2018
When asked what they're looking for in a man, it's common for women to say they want a guy who makes them feel safe.
Which means that if you're a guy who wants to know how to get a girl to like you, become your girlfriend, and hopefully, fall in love with you, you really need to start by understand what "safety" means to a woman and what you can do in order to make her feel secure and be her safe place.
Of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn't? But knowing what it really means and how to make that happen can be understandably confusing.
So let me tell you ...
If you want to know how to get a girl to like you, become your girlfriend, and fall deeply in love with you, here are 5 things to do in order to be her safe space.
1. Listen to her
The most important thing to do in order to make a woman feel safe with you is to let her know that you are actively listening to her — that when she talks, you are paying her your full attention in order to be sure you understand what she is saying and feeling.
You might think you need to ‘fix’ her or her problems for her to feel safe, but in reality, all she wants you is to know you're there to listen and to comfort her.
The next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there — and that you always will be.
2. Do what you say you're going to do
Do you tell your girl that you will be home at six even though you know you aren't going to be home until eight because you don’t want to make her mad? Or that you'll go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good won't have time to make it happen after work?
Many men don’t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak truthfully they'll hurt or upset their woman. But in fact, the opposite is true. Men who don’t do what they say they're going to do cause far more hurt, and they definitely don’t make women feel safe.
Make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow her to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her.
3. Tell her how you feel about her
You may sometimes think to yourself, "I don’t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows." Maybe you even take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that doing so is a clear way of telling the woman you love how you feel.
If you're thinking this way, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but sadly, you are mistaken.
Telling your woman how you feel about her with actual words is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel, but actually hearing the words come out of your mouth let’s her know that you have her back, and that you care about her enough to tell her so.
4. Act like a man
I know. I know. In this day and age, men and women are equal.
And my 23-year-old daughter will kill me for saying this, but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.
Men are genetically programed to be protectors. For ages, the survival of our species depended on men protecting women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone, even in this 21st Century world.
I am not saying you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl, but make sure that she knows you are there for her to do things like reach for items she can’t get to, carry that load that is just too much for her, hold the door open when her hands are full, and get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.
Tapping into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, will allow your girl to feel safe with you.
5. Be honest
The number one most important thing to do in order to make a woman feel safe is to be honest.
As I said above, it's important that you always do what you say you are going to do, but this is about more than that.
For a woman to feel safe, she needs to feel trust, and if you can’t be honest with her, she can never trust you.
So, if you can’t get home for dinner, tell her.
If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don’t make an excuse. Tell her the truth.
If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.
Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest, and if you do that, she will feel safe.
If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, make sure she feels safe with you.
Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.
I promise you. Make your girl feel safe, and she'll be yours forever.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate whose writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, and The Good Men Project, among others, and who works exclusively with women to help them to be all they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Let her help you life the life of your dreams by contacting her now via email to get started!