Love, Self

Can Sweet, Soulful Love EVER Be Truly Sexy? You Bet! (Here's How)

couple laying in bed

They use it to grab your attention. It's big business. Ad execs know that sex sells. Our culture uses sex to market almost everything.

Google the word "sex" and you get 1.74 billion results. What could possibly outrank sex for spots on the internet? 

Well, if you Google the word 'love,' you'll get over 3.36 billion results. With the world's estimated population at 7 billion, that is nearly one result for every 2 people alive.

Sex may sell ... but people LOVE love!

So many people yearn for 'true love' where permanence, romance, and a sex not only coexist—they thrive. What, then, is the ULTIMATE love? It's unconditional love—caring, regardless of the circumstance. Who wouldn't want that?

Understanding unconditional love is easy when you think of how parents love their children. (Or how some believe that God has unconditional love for them.) But can fantastic, passionate sex be a part of unconditional love?

Yes. It occurs when you have a sexual relationship with someone you care for, no matter what happens. Seems simple, right? Not quite.

Sex is not simple. It is complex, multi-faceted and emotional.

Different people have different ideas (what is and isn't desirable, what is and isn't OK, frequency, etc.) about sex. Add to that mix that these "ideas" often change. A couple that starts out sexually compatible may not always stay that way.

But then things change yet again. So the couple might very well regain an enjoyable—BETTER even!—sex life with each other.

So, how do you show unconditional love sexually?

Let's say your partner wants to do something sexy that you don't like or aren't comfortable with. With unconditional love, your partner's sexual interests don't change the way you feel about him/her. So, demonstrate that love by taking the time to find out about each other's fantasies!

Discover what works for both of you because, either way, you're still going to love each other. And hopefully keep things sexy!

Knowing that the love is unconditional actually strengthens the sexual relationship.

It provides a space to ask for things (maybe even risqué or taboo things) because the love is never at risk ... it's unconditional.

Even if you try something and it goes horribly (or embarrassingly) wrong, you still love each other.

People who feel secure in unconditionally loving relationship are more authentic and at ease (in themselves and with their partner), which develops richer intimacy and experiences.

The point is: unconditional love opens up all kinds of possibilities for 'sexploration'.

Perhaps you're wondering whether you must do anything and everything sexually for someone you love unconditionally. Absolutely not!

Some people think that saying 'No' means restricting love. But not only is that wrong, it's unhealthy. Never saying no creates a breeding ground for resentment, and potential abuse. 

Unconditional love does not mean that you have to go along with whatever someone else wants.  You DON'T have to lose yourself by deferring to someone else's desires, inhibitions, restrictions, and the like.

Unconditional love indicates how you feel about someone, not what you do for or with them. 

For example, parents don't automatically give in to their children? They hold firm, healthy boundaries. Why? Because the parents love their children. And so, they stand their ground.

Sometimes loving someone fully means holding them accountable, providing discipline, or even cutting them out of your life completely.

Unconditional love means that, in the end, you still love them ... even if it's from a distance.

So, by all means, use your sexual relationship to express your unconditional love for your partner. Be authentic. Be passionately yet deeply loving.

When unconditional love and sex come together, it is powerful!

It isn't always easy, but it is absolutely worth pursuing. 3.36 billion Google search results indicates that you (and the world) clearly agree.