How To Talk To Women Without Seeming Needy: 5 Things You Should Never Say

Don't be desperate!

man and woman talking getty

Talking to women shouldn't be complex. If you want to master how to talk to women, you should always start with yourself.

It's not about learning more things to say — it's, first, learning what not to say in the first place.

Think about it, would you want to bombard her with all these useless words or lines, only to increase your chances of turning her off?

Or do you want to say the least amount of things with the maximum attraction effect?


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If you want to learn how to talk to women without seeming needy, here are 5 things you should never say.

1. "Where do you want to go on our date?"

It seems logical. You want to take her to a place that she wants to go so that she's happy and enjoys the date. If you take her to her favorite place, it's going to be a good date.


But women don't want to be the one who decides everything for the date. She wants you to do that. Many women like a man with a plan. She wants a leader who takes charge, steps into his masculinity, and leads the way.

It doesn't mean that you can't allow her to make decisions or make choices.

When it comes to picking the venue, you can definitely include her in that decision process, but just flat out asking her just seems like you're trying to impress her.

It sounds like you have no plan and no clue of where to take a woman, implying you haven't been on a lot of dates.

Not only that, but it puts her in her masculine (nothing wrong with that).

If she's a CEO or something like that, she has to make a lot of decisions. And she's in her masculine being-ness when she's at work. But when on a date, she wants to be feminine. She just wants to be along for your plan.


So, be the leader. It's fine to ask her, "Do you prefer this?"

Find out relative information, but be the one to decide where to go on the date.

2. "Can I have your number?"

Asking her if you can have her number implies that you don't know if she's attracted to you or not, which is why you're asking the question.

Basically, the definition of a lack of confidence. You don't believe that this beautiful woman would be attracted to a guy like you.

It sounds like the logical thing to do, but it usually comes off as very un-confident.

Just remove the word "can."

Instead, say something, "Let's exchange numbers," or, "You seem cool. What's your number?" These pre-supposes that you believe that she likes you, that you believe she's going to give you her number.


She can still say "no," but it just makes you seem a lot more sure of yourself.

And on that note, make sure to say it with certainty. If your tonality is going up and you seem uncertain, she's probably going to say "no." Or, if she gives you her number, she's probably not going to text you back.

If she says "no" because she has a boyfriend, doesn't feel comfortable, or doesn't know you well enough to give out her number, just remain calm and cool, like it's no big deal.

Instead, go for her social media.

3. "You're so beautiful!"

There's nothing wrong with giving a woman a compliment and telling her she's beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, cute, adorable, or pretty.


But when you say it like "You are sooooo beautiful!" it sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal.

The key with this phrase is to say it with confidence, not like she's above you and you're below her.

When you give a woman a compliment, especially if you're opening a conversation, you should be direct and tell her the truth about the real reason why you're there.

Women appreciate honesty and the courage that it takes to do that. Plus, if you beat around the bush and use some indirect, weird pick-up artist opener, she knows that you're there because you're attracted to her.

It actually makes you appear less confident.

Saying this phrase right can attract a woman to you within seconds, even aroused. It sounds crazy, but it does happen.


It's not every time, of course, but when it does, you can feel the electricity and it's just pure fire.

RELATED: 5 Common Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women They Like

4. "Can I buy you a drink?"

There's nothing wrong with buying a woman a drink at a bar, even if you just met her. But saying that as your conversation starter is not a good idea.

It creates the frame that you're paying for her time or paying for her attention, which puts your value down and hers up right from the start — not the dynamic you want.

If you want to talk to her, just go talk to her. Don't send her a drink from across the bar or go over and say, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" You don't know anything about her.


Why the heck would you even want to buy her a drink? It's like saying, "Here's some money! Can I buy five minutes of your time?"

Maybe you've done it in the past and it worked. But, most likely, she didn't like you. A woman in her 20s is probably not going to say "no" to a free drink.

Then, should you even buy a woman to drink at all? Definitely, if you want to and if you're not using it as a bargaining chip.

If you want to get a drink yourself and it's just the customary thing to do, it's the social norm to say, "Hey, I'm going to get a drink at the bar. You want one?"

There's nothing wrong with that. It's even a good way to just move things further by just moving her from one place where you met her to the bar.


You can have a more intimate conversation and create a deeper connection.

5. "Can I kiss you?"

Like asking for her phone number, it's presupposing that you don't believe she would be attracted to you, which shows you that you're just not confident in yourself.

You might do this to try and save face. You don't want to go for a kiss only for her to turn away and say she's not ready.


You're a man who knows what he wants and goes for it. In this case, it's her.

This definitely doesn't mean you force yourself upon her in any way. Always make sure she's comfortable. And if you want to go for a kiss, you don't want to do it out of the blue.

You need to see if she's ready. Instead of asking, "Can I kiss you?" say, "You know, I kind of want to kiss you right now." And just notice her reaction.

If it's anything other than, "No, no, no!" then slowly move forward, and go for it. You could even ask her if she's a good kisser and see how she responds.

You could also ask her if she would like to kiss you, which is a lot more powerful. It presupposes that you think she likes you and may want to kiss you. And if she says "yes," you obviously kiss her.


If you ever lean in for a kiss, and she pulls away or says a statement that shows she's not ready, it's no big deal. It doesn't mean necessarily that she doesn't like you.

So, don't be all emotionally affected. Don't complain or get angry about it. Just change the subject, move on. You can try again at a later date.

Your conversation is immensely important for attraction because when you get her attention and you have her in front of you, what you say to women will make or break your chances of getting the attraction right.

You can either attract her with what you have to say or absolutely turn her off.

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Matt Artisan is the leading expert in transforming the lives of men and empowering them to create authentic relationships. He's the creator of Turn Her On Through Text, the C.Q.C. Day Game Method, and the 2-Minute Chase Me Method. For more information, visit The Attractive Man website.​