Photo: Dean Drobot | Canva
From a tale 200 years old to a teen classic movie, finding love can be a duel with dualism.
By Alessandra Conti & Cristina (Conti) Pineda
Last updated on Oct 22, 2023
If you remember the classic teen movie John Tucker Must Die, you’ll know there are two guys: John Tucker and the other Tucker.
Over a decade later, the comparison can still shed light on your dating life.
Here's a tale of two Tuckers:
1. Duelling with dualism
For those who forget, John Tucker is the most popular and attractive guy in school, as well as the star of the basketball team. Known for dating the most beautiful young women at the same time. He best describes himself as "Girl is my type."
On the other hand, his younger brother, played by a pensive Penn Badgley, has more of an artistic soul and a moral proclivity that allows him to be open to love rather than to date a girl for her looks.
If you fall for the John Tuckers of the world, you are in good company. Many women do, but my grandmother gave me the opposite advice from a young age: "He should love you more than you love him."
2. Grannie's wisdom
I’m sure you’ve heard that love advice from your granny or Aunt Martha tapping on your shoulder with unwanted dating advice.
While measuring who loves who more at any given time in a relationship is impossible and unhealthy, I have found a surprising truth to this saying you can apply to dating without sacrificing your feelings of attraction to a man.
We can best illuminate the wisdom in your grandmother’s adage by analyzing Elizabeth Gaskell’s novel Sylvia’s Lovers, about a woman deciding between 2 men 200 years ago.
3. Two men and a woman 200 years ago
It was the turn of the 18th century in rural England, where men dropped like flies in the war between the British military and Napoleon. All of the remaining young men of the village want gold-haired Sylvia and flock to her at the market.
Yet Sylvia only has eyes for the town hero, Charlie: tall, burly, and bronzed from his voyages at sea, the John Tucker of her neighborhood. Charlie kisses her at a New Year’s Eve party, and she feels like she’s reached heaven. Yet, when Sylvia leaves for the night, Charlie chooses the next prettiest young woman in the room to dance with.
Philip, on the other hand, worships Sylvia. He tutors her from a young age and waits years for her to warm up to him. He detests his rival, Charlie Kinraid. Before Charlie leaves the town, Charlie and Sylvia pledge their love for each other.
Yet only a few days later, Charlie gets captured at sea, and the whole town believes he has died. Even though he knows that Charlie is still alive, Philip seizes the chance to wed Sylvia, and they have a comfortable but far from passionate marriage.
Spoiler alert: as if alive from the dead, Charlie returns eager to claim Sylvia as his wife. Sylvia is torn. Her husband had lied to her, but she had already wed Philip. Bitterly, she swears to forget both of them.
A few months later, surprise surprise, Charlie marries another pretty young woman while Philip enlists in the navy and spends years mourning over his relationship with Sylvia.
In the years of solitude, Sylvia realizes how easily Charlie has replaced her. She compares Charlie's fleeting feelings to the depth of love Philip has for her, and she misses Philip’s constancy and regrets throwing him out. She finally sees him again. However, it’s too late.
On his deathbed, Philip begs for Sylvia’s forgiveness, and she does the same, finally experiencing the passion she longed for in her marriage. Reconciled, Philip dies in peace, leaving Sylvia brokenhearted. She realizes that she had her John Tucker’s brother all along but had fallen for a John Tucker.
4. The charm of all the Johns
The good news is you can learn from Sylvia’s mistake and open yourself to the good Tucker instead of getting hypnotized by the looks and charm of the John Tuckers of the world.
Of course, attraction is important, but you want a man who deeply loves you. I understand our grandmothers’ wisdom as: you want a man who loves you over time.
If you’re running after him, he’s probably chasing after other women. If you’re anything like Sylvia, you have the capacity for a faithful, deep romance that can only be fulfilled with a man who shares that yearning. You want a man who fights alongside you instead of forgetting you as soon as trouble arises.
A person's character reveals itself over time, but pay attention to your sweetheart’s reputation. Both Charlie and John Tucker were known for being womanizers, Philip and the other Tucker for their steadfast loyalty.
Falling in love takes time. It’s a process. If it seems too intense too quickly, tread lightly. Of course, you want to love your man, but for women, you’ll love him more the more you feel loved.
More for You:
Alessandra Conti & Cristina (Conti)) Pineda are the women behind Matchmakers In The City, a top certified personal matchmaking firm in Los Angeles, New York City, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C.