What Kind Of Message Does Your Body Language Send?

How to harness your body language so your body and heart send the same message.

happy couple

The old adage goes that it's not what we say but how we say it. Nowhere is that more evident than in our love lives. We communicate extensively with our body language, and, often, romantic disappointments occur when our voices speak one thing but our bodies signal another. We asked three experts for tips on how to observe the signals our bodies are conveying and how to be sure we're sending the romantic messages we intend.


Masculine vs Feminine energy
To have a successful relationship in the 21st century, women must navigate between being independent and strong, yet able to maintain the aura of femininity men desire in a partner. Women can often get stuck in a rut because they are unable to access their feminine mojo, and end up unconsciously broadcasting masculine energy via nonverbal cues that cause men to perceive them as "tough," "aloof," or "intimidating." Here's a few examples of how your body language might unconsciously leak masculine energy. 7 Traits Of Irresistible Men

Going out to dinner? Notice whether or not you allow him to approach the hostess desk first, or muscle your way in to give her your date's name first. During dinner, masculine energy can be broadcast if you find yourself reclining back when listening to him talk. Take note of your facial expressions. Is your brow furrowed? In order to shift into feminine energy when you're with your man, ensure that you operate from a place of vulnerability and share the truth of who you are, even when it might appear on the surface to be "needy." Ensure your shoulders are relaxed and your chest is open. When he speaks, listen intently and lean forward to indicate your interest. Touch him lightly on the arm or shoulder when he says something funny, or shares a story which evokes a feeling of compassion in you. If he offers you his jacket, be open to receiving his assistance and then lean into him slightly to help him access his masculine "hero" energy.


Marni Battista, Dating Coach

Know the facts
According to BodyLanguageSignals.com, words make up only 7 percent of our message. Tone of voice is 38 percent, and the largest piece of the communication pie is nonverbal at 55 percent. Nonverbal communication can bring us closer to others or distance ourselves. Dating 101: How To Know He Wants To Kiss You

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Try these tried-and-true techniques to make yourself more approachable to those you care about:

  • Make eye contact
  • Lean toward the other person
  • Smile
  • Tilt your head slightly to indicate interest
  • To indicate empathy or concern, touch the other person lightly on the arm or shoulder
  • Don’t huddle in the corner of the room
  • Stand with open posture, not with your hands on your hips or crossed over your chest
  • Touch yourself around the face and head to indicate you want affection
  • Touch yourself more suggestively to indicate you want sexual touch
  • Relax your shoulders down your back to open your posture
  • Shift your weight and position as a way to stay engaged in the conversation; no one wants to talk to a stone
  • Relax your face (practice in front of a mirror)

Priscilla Hunt, Marriage Educator


Put your body language to work!
Have you ever said something to a date or romantic partner expecting one reaction, and gotten the opposite? It's probably because, while your words were carefully chosen, your body language said something different. If our verbal and non-verbal cues are not aligned to create one authentic message, the listener has a tendency to believe your body language over your speech.

So how can you use body language to your best advantage in romance? First, be aware of how your thoughts and feelings are showing up in your body. Are you nervous or agitated? Close your eyes and scan where you are holding that tension. Are your shoulders scrunched, your mouth pursed, your forehead crinkled? What can you put in its place? 

Before you go into that bar or conversation about your future as a couple, decide what message you want to convey and what nonverbal cues would best support that. If it's approachability, a bright smile, direct eye and upright posture with uncrossed arms is essential (so is turning your shoulders away from your entourage and towards the room). A woman can take it a subtly suggestive step further by twirling her hair, massaging her neck, and pointing a foot towards the man she’d like to speak to, even swinging it in his direction. If it's love and cooperation you want to express inside of a relationship, lean towards your partner, touch them, actively listen with engaged facial expressions and an upbeat tone of voice. No sighing allowed.


Sarah Showfety, Life Coach