Playing The Field: The Pros & Cons Of Dating Around

... featuring advice from YourTango Experts Lyndsay Katauskas and Samantha Karlin!

Playing The Field: The Pros & Cons Of Dating Around [EXPERT]]

Welcome to Online Dating Bootcamp: Day 9! Today is all about weighing the advantages and disadvantages of dating more than one internet match at a time, featuring advice from YourTango Experts Lyndsay Katauskas and Samantha Karlin. (Wanna brush up on Bootcamp Days 1-7? Start here.)

Before you tried online dating, you were always pretty much the monogamous type. Now that you're swimming in a sea of potential suitors, you're considering dating more than one fish at a time. Not so fast, Casanova! Before you start breaking hearts, consider these pros and cons of dating around:


PRO: Getting to know people intellectually, emotionally and spiritually takes time. While you're still technically single, why not expand your options? —Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

CON: By dating multiple men, you're relying more on luck than dating experience to figure out which guys are keepers and which ones to throw back. —Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

PRO: Dating around takes the initial focus off of one person and alleviates the stress that comes along with waiting for that phone to ring. Sometimes only dating one person causes you to pour way too much attention towards that person at the get-go, and that will send him running, and you into heartache. —Samantha Karlin


CON: Dating other people just to take the focus off of one person can also be a fruitless waste of time. Make sure that if you do decide to date multiple people, something about each person genuinely interests you. If you know from the beginning it's a no-go, you're just wasting their time and your own. —Samantha Karlin

PRO: Fun dates with many guys keeps you in control. By dating more than one at a time, you won't waste time getting emotionally invested with men who do not have your best interest at heart. —Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

CON: When you're dating around, it's wise to wait longer to be sexually intimate. That can be frustrating for both of you. —Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd 

PRO: Dating multiple people can be a great way to understand the qualities of the person you are seeking; by paying attention and using insight on your dates, you can learn a lot about what you need in a partner, and what you don't. —Samantha Karlin


More dating advice from YourTango:

CON: Dating multiple people can be dangerous because if it's not done carefully and with analysis, it can be destructive. If there's always someone on the backburner, this can cause you to reject someone too quickly based on minor, unimportant things. —Samantha Karlin

PRO: Dating multiple people is a great way to learn about different cultures, perspectives, careers, etc. It's interesting to see how people differ in so many ways, and you might end up hitting it off with the person you least expected to, or be inspired to pursue a track in life that never even occurred to you before. —Samantha Karlin

CON: Dating more than one person at a time can be confusing. After all, you don't want to mix up who's saying what! —Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd 


PRO: By dating around you will become a better dater — and better with the opposite sex. Dating makes you more receptive to the opposite sex's ways of behaving and thinking and helps you understand what topics to bring up, and which ones to avoid. —Samantha Karlin

CON: Dating too many people can take away from vital friend and family time. Just because you're on the hunt to find the love of your life doesn't mean that your friends and family — who will always be there for you — should suffer as a result. —Samantha Karlin

PRO: Online dating is a numbers game. The more people you date, the sooner that person who's right for you will come along. In John Molloy's book, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others, he says "women who marry date more frequently than those who don't, even it's Mr. Wrong." —Samantha Karlin


CON: Dating around can cause a syndrome I call "SDS," or Serial Dating Syndrome, which happens when dating starts to become like a game, and the dates become pawns rather than people. In this situation, your ability for intimacy, sensitivity, and willingness to exert energy on anyone person gets swept away in the storm of people pounding on your dating site inboxes. Those with SDS initially think they are conquering the world before realizing how lost they really are. —Samantha Karlin

Come back tomorrow for Online Dating Bootcamp: Day 10, "10 Signs Your Online Date Could Lead To Lasting Love" featuring a advice from YourTango Expert Singles Warehouse.