Photo: weheartit
It's clearly time to walk away.
By Lori Cooper — Written on Jun 29, 2016
Have you started wondering if it's time to get out of your marriage? Are you starting to dream about waking up some morning with no one to think about or attend to but yourself? Are you and your spouse fighting more than you're getting along?
Many couples have moments of wondering: "Would I be better off if I wasn't married?" Sometimes this is just a fleeting thought that's easily brushed off as just a bad mood, hard day or lingering resentment.
But, when the thought continues, here are some some glaring signs you shouldn't ignore:
1. Counseling doesn't work.
You and your spouse have been to marriage counseling on a few occasions (and always you requesting that the two of you go). But, despite all of that time in counseling, you still can't get along! If this feels repetitiously familiar to you, it's time to say enough is enough.
How many therapists will it take to realize that trying to make your marriage work is like trying to force a square peg into a round hole? I'm not suggesting you stop professional counseling, but a lack of progress towards understanding and emotional growth together is a strong sign your marriage is already over.
2. Your fights are never resolved.
You fight constantly. The same issues keep coming up over and over ... and over. You're basically living in a state of limbo.
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing in a relationship; it's actually healthy to have different opinions and expectations in a relationship. But when the fighting is constant and there's never a resolution, that's a problem. Or, when communication halts altogether, that is a BIG red flag.
This isn’t going to lead to a better marriage, and is costing you a better YOU.
3. There's no intimacy anymore.
Is the desire and attraction gone? Do you feel more like roommates than lovers? Intimacy is very important in a relationship. When it starts to fade and you don’t feel attracted to your spouse anymore, you end up feeling isolated and disappointed, which just fuels the detachment.
Many women won’t talk about this for fear of hurting their spouse or to avoid the feeling of disconnection brought by the lack of intimacy. So, silent (or not-so-silent) resentment finds more fuel for the fire.
4. You care for and long to be with someone else.
When you've reached this point in your relationship, it's a signal that it's time to get out of your marriage. It isn’t fair to you, your spouse or the other person involved. Delaying divorce when you're heart is already invested in someone else is an eventual cause for heartbreak down the road.
5. Your spouse is physically or emotionally abusive.
If this is the case, it's often difficult to leave because of your shattered self-esteem. You feel vulnerable and that you deserve this poor treatment. Please, if you are reading this, and you are in this position: you don’t have to stay.
You're worth so much more than this negative treatment and you're in charge of your own destiny. So, it is time to go! Now!
Which of these red flags are warning you it's time to end your marriage?
Whatever incident feels like the final straw for you, know that staying in an unhappy situation will only bring more unhappiness. Know when to walk away.
Lori Cooper is a certified, professional Life Coach working with women who are contemplating divorce or who are already in the process. Visit her website or email her for a free consultation.
