Love, Self

Still Single? 10 Reasons You Haven't Found 'The One'

"Why haven't I found 'the one'? Why am I still single?" This is a question that I hear in my office on a pretty consistent basis. But finding your soulmate doesn't have to be so difficult once you realize there are ways to fix it.

Singles who work with me sometimes wonder what they've been doing wrong in. They're confused about why love hasn't found them yet, and how they can move forward to find love now.

As a matchmaker, my first job is always to get to know my client. I encourage them to open up in order to learn more about themselves and who their best match would be. We work together to discover what hasn't worked for them in the past so that we can agree on a resolution for the future.

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It's important to remember that a lot of people struggle when it comes to dating, and many of their struggles are similar. Daters may think they are alone in their struggles, but all singles face obstacles at one point or another.

Here are the top 10 dating obstacles that singles face:

1. You have unrealistic expectations.

When a client shows up with a list of the 100+ extremely specific qualities (type of car someone drives, their shoe size, if they wear aftershave) that their date must have, I know we're going to have a problem. To be a successful dater, you have to be open!

If you count out every person who does not measure up on paper, you are probably missing out on someone truly wonderful. Be open — you never know where or when you will meet your match.

2. You're a workaholic.

If you barely have time to eat dinner alone, how do you expect to find time to go out on a date and enjoy yourself? When someone spends more time and energy on their work than on their personal life, of course they have trouble dating. Finding a balance is key.

3. You don't choose partners wisely.

One of the first conversations I have with a client is about their dating history. When each person they mention falls into a dangerous category like "bad boy" or "party girl," it's easy to see why they may have been having trouble finding a relationship that sticks.

4. You're socially awkward or have a shy personality.

Many people are not comfortable in social situations, which is okay. But the only way to become more comfortable is to dive right in. You only live once!

5. You have limited access to potential partners.

When someone's group of friends are all married or coupled, or they have a job that requires they work from home, it poses an understandable dating challenge. This challenge also crops up among singles that live in small towns or rural areas.

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6. You have a history of choosing unavailable partners.

Constantly choosing a partner who is emotionally or physically distant makes it hard for any relationship to last. Long-distance dating is not for everyone.

7. You're stuck on the idea of marriage.

Rather than going out and having fun and exploring a new date's uniqueness, this person tends to be hung up on the prospect of a potential marriage. When you spend your first date wondering if someone is marriage material, you miss your chance to get to know them. It can take time to learn if someone is really right for you.

8. You're too much of an old-fashioned dater.

This issue comes up a lot for people who are newly divorced, separated or widowed. When you've been off the dating scene for a while, it's hard to find a way back in. What worked in the past may not work now, so a new dating strategy has to be devised.

9. You compare your new relationships to your failed ones.

It's natural to compare the new people you're dating to someone you've been with before, especially if you were with that person for a long time and were happy. However, this comparison will only prevent you from getting to know another partner.

No two people are exactly the same, and no two relationships will be, either. Often, someone new might have positive attributes you had not experienced before.

10. You have an overall negative outlook.

If you think you'll never have success in finding your soulmate, you'll make that your reality. If you open your mind, heart, and eyes, there are amazing possibilities all around you! Be open and walk around with a smile; you never know where or when you will meet your match.

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Lisa Clampitt, LMSW is the Founder and owner of the Matchmaking Institute, professional matchmaker, owner of VIP Life, Licensed Master of Social Work and author of two books on matchmaking.

This article was originally published at Patti Stanger. Reprinted with permission from the author.