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Smart.
By Lianne Avila — Written on Jul 27, 2018
For many single women, it sometimes feels as though everyone around you is either getting married or already involved in loving relationships, while you're still sitting around trying to figure out how to get a guy to like you so you can finally find a boyfriend, stop the dating grind, fall in love, and find some happiness yourself.
And ultimately, this can leave you feeling lonely. You might even feel like you're the only woman you know who feels this way.
But you're definitely far from alone.
According to the Pew Research Center, nearly half of the population in the United States is currently single and unmarried, which means many strong, amazing single women like you are looking for love, too.
Just like the group of powerful women on Sex In The City, each woman has her own different ways of coping with being single. And what's more, just like Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, they can all learn how to be happy being single.
What got those four women through it all was their friendship, and in the end, not one of them ended up alone. I'm not saying you should stop wanting to find a partner or fall in love, but you can (and should!) find happiness while you're single in the meantime.
Instead of focusing so hard on how to get a guy to like you, focus on finding what happiness means for you.
Use this time for exploring what you like and what you don’t like.
How do you treat yourself? What types of things do you say to yourself?
Unfortunately, many single women are hard on themselves. They tell themselves things like, "All the good ones are taken," or that there must be something wrong with them if they're still single.
This negative self-talk has negative effects on the way you feel about yourself, and if it goes on too long, it can lead to anxiety and depression, as well as cause you to mistrust yourself and your ability to make good decisions.
That's why it's important to put your own happiness first ... and in doing so, you just might learn how to get the kind of guy you want to like you.
Here are 11 things the happiest single women do (that just so happen to also attract truly great men!).
1. Happy single women don't criticize themselves.
Criticizing yourself is one of the easiest things to do. When you're single, it can appear that everyone is happy and in love, but in reality, this is not true. You start comparing yourself to others, which never ends well.
Stop criticizing yourself today and, instead, start complimenting yourself. Write down three good qualities about yourself, now. Doing this builds confidence and many men are attracted to confident women.
2. Happy single women embrace their personal freedom.
Enjoy your life. Being single doesn't mean you are flawed. There are many experiences in life you probably won't have if you were already married.
Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a wonderful thing with the right person, but don’t sit around feeling miserable.
If there is a vacation you want to go on, then go. Plan a party and invite all of your single friends. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone special along the way.
3. Happy single women allow themselves to make mistakes.
When you're dating, you want things to go perfectly. But, in reality, there is no perfect dating scenario. You are on your way to pick up your date, and there is unexpected traffic due to an accident. Your best friend keeps texting you while you are out on a date. And, the list goes on.
What this means is accepting the process of dating, which will include making mistakes. When you admit or talk about your mistakes, you make your partner feel more comfortable with you so they won't feel like they have to be perfect.
4. Happy single women are positive.
Nobody likes a Negative Nelly, so don’t be one. As long as you are looking in the right direction, you are bound to meet that special someone.
Negative people attract negative people. You want to draw people into your life who are happy and this starts with you being happy. In the process, your happiness will attract a guy who wants to be on the receiving end of your bright and positive attitude.
5. Happy single women do things alone.
This may sound obvious. But, many single people fear doing things alone, even simply going to the grocery store because they're worried about what others are thinking.
Most of the time, people don’t even notice that you are alone. Make it an adventure. Where have you been wanting to go? Go there, alone. Talk to strangers and enjoy the day.
6. Happy single avoid unhealthy relationships.
A bad relationship is worse than no relationship at all. Yet, sadly, many couples destroy their lives by staying in unhealthy relationships. Maybe, they married young or got married before they were ready for the commitment.
Now, the relationship is all wrong for them and they feel stuck, which feels very lonely. So, if you are looking for a relationship because you feel lonely, this is not the cure.
7. Happy single women foster other relationships.
Romantic relationships can come and go, which is it's important to nurture your relationships with family and friends.
So invite them over for dinner or see if they want to get tickets to a concert. No matter how you spend quality time with them, give them your undivided attention. And who knows, maybe they know someone who's the perfect match for you!
8. Happy single women know how to feel.
It’s easy to keep your feelings buried inside yourself, but if you do, over time a wall of resentment builds. When you don’t talk about your feelings, you tend to stay stuck, which keeps you closed off from building a genuine connecting with new men you meet.
If you are sad, angry, or disappointed, then let it out. Just don’t hurt anyone else in the process.
And be sure to you express your feelings of happiness, as well. When you radiate a bright and positive energy, you attract more people to your life.
9. Happy single women let go of the past.
You will never enjoy the present unless you let go of the past. Yes, you have made mistakes, but so has everyone else. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. It’s time to start looking for new experiences and adventures.
When you let go of the past, you free yourself of baggage that may keep you from pursuing a new relationship.
10. Happy single women spend time getting to know themselves.
Be self-aware and take this time being single to figure out what you want.
What are your dreams? What has caused setbacks in your life? What things do you worry about? Are you always the planner? Does this help you have control of the situation?
If that’s the case, work on why you are that way. Did you learn it as a child?
Whatever the reasons, try and figure out why you do the things you do and how you can change them in order to be a better person.
11. Happy single women live their lives in balance.
It’s true that when you are taking better care of yourself, it’s easier to set boundaries with others. Maybe a mistake you made in past relationships was saying "yes" when you meant "no." This is much less likely to happen when you feel you have balance in your life. It also means you'll feel more confident about yourself, which will help you meet new men.
But being single doesn't mean you have to be in a rush to find a new boyfriend.
Take your time when it comes to meeting your next partner and spend energy getting to know one another, before making any big decisions, like moving in together or getting married.
Once you find happiness being single, you'll be ready for a brand new relationship that will hopefully last you a lifetime.
Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many people create a work, life balance for themselves. Sign up for her free newsletter, and receive free weekly tips on self-care, dating, and relationships or visit Lessons for Love.
This article was originally published at Lessons for Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.