Photo: Grace Madeline on Unsplash
Know if his heart is in the right place.
By Lianne Avila — Last updated on Jan 03, 2023
When you're in love, it is a wonderful feeling. If you don’t have it, you want it. But we need to be careful with our feelings.
Sometimes they play tricks on us. Especially when intimacy comes into the equation. It’s easy to get carried away.
We’ve all made that mistake of trusting that what we feel is love — when it turns out that all a man wants is our body, confusing the signs of true love with simple lust.
The signs a man shows when he is experiencing true love loves are about more than just your physical relationship.
Once you see the signs of love from your partner, you will feel happier knowing he has your best interest at heart.
The first step is learning to trust yourself. Trust that you can make good choices for yourself.
You've learned from the past, and now that you know what the red flags are in a relationship, you can tell the difference between love and lust.
The five simple signs of true love from a man:
1. He shows affection, even when he knows it won’t lead to the bedroom
If the person you are seeing touches you without initiating anything intimate, it likely means he really likes you and enjoys spending time with you.
You can experience an emotional connection by touching or holding hands, also known as loving touch.
Whether it’s done privately or publicly, it’s done in a way that is gentle and warm. Loving touch respects boundaries and is done in a way that is comfortable for both parties.
2. You have deep and interesting conversations
Do you enjoy talking together about a wide variety of topics?
Does he take an interest in you by asking you questions about yourself and your life? Does he want to know the details as well?
Does he give you the details of his life with little to no prompting? This doesn’t mean he takes over the conversation.
Does he know your favorite food or vacation spot? Does he remember the conversations you’ve had? You can tell when he does because he won’t always ask the same questions.
Do you feel he has a loving curiosity about you? If it’s just lust, he will not invest much time in conversations. And usually, he will just blatantly ask for just physical contact.
3. He talks about the future with you
Does he make plans to go to a concert next month with you? Is “we” starting to replace “I?" If the answer is yes, this is a good sign of true love and not just lust.
When you are committed to your partner, you are comfortable talking about next month, the holidays or next year.
This doesn’t guarantee what will happen five-10 years down the road or that the relationship will definitely last forever. But I would definitely stay in it to find out.
4. He introduces you to his friends and family
When the person you are seeing introduces you to the people that are most important to him, it’s a good indicator it’s not just a casual fling. You don’t have to wait for him to do it first.
It’s alright to take the bull by the horns and do it.
Either way, this will definitely let him know you are serious. If he’s not, then he will probably run away.
If he is, he will want to meet them and might even try to reciprocate and introduce you to his loved ones.
Try to do this in a relaxed setting, like a small party. This way, the focus of attention will not be on you and him and it won't be too overwhelming.
5. You have a good friendship
A good friendship is the foundation of a good relationship. This will help with everything, including intimacy.
When you have a good friendship, you want to be with your partner. A good friend will help get you through difficult times. It’s also a good indicator he wants to grow old with you.
You are also able to fix things after an argument even if it's simply saying, "I’m sorry."
You have a better understanding of his story, and he’s comfortable sharing it with you, as you are with him.
It’s hard to say why some relationships make it and some don’t. I’m sure you have known a couple or two that you thought for sure would make it. But then they didn’t.
We do want you to be happy and find love. Even in this fast-paced society, it is possible.
If you haven’t found it yet, keep trying. It is out there waiting for you.
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Lianne Avila is a Marriage & Family Therapist helping couples who are looking to rebuild a close emotional connection and get their relationships back on track.