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By Lianne Avila — Written on Sep 21, 2019
There is a ton of information out there on how to deal with anxiety, as well as how it affects you physically and emotionally. But what about how it impacts your relationships? Have you thought about how it impacts the people around you?
When you have anxiety, you feel overwhelmed and have periods of panic. It may feel like you have them for no reason. This can leave you feeling confused. The first step is recognizing that you have anxiety and then letting your partner know.
I have seen many couples over the years. Whenever one person in the relationship has an anxiety disorder, it must be treated. If it is not treated, nothing in the relationship will change. And it could even get worse.
So, to bring you some kind of relief and hope that your partnership will survive, here's some relationship advice that explains the major ways anxiety causes problems in your romantic life.
1. It robs you and your partner of joy.
In order to experience joy, you need to feel safe. Anxiety makes you feel fearful. You are always worried about what will happen next. It also makes it much more difficult to enjoy intimacy. You have trained your brain for stress, so this is what it always expects.
2. It causes you to behave selfishly.
Your worries and fears cause you to focus too much on yourself. They are also causing you to put unnecessary pressure on the relationship. They may also cause you not to trust your partner.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship. You must have it or the relationship will suffer and eventually end.
3. It breaks down your emotional connection.
Anxiety can make you less aware of your own needs and your partner’s needs. When you are worried about what could happen in the future, you aren’t fully in the present. This means you need to train your brain to live in the present.
When you find yourself getting caught up in the future, stop and remind yourself that you can’t predict the future.
4. It crushes your true voice.
When you have anxiety, it may be difficult to ask for your true needs. You may also feel like you have to talk about something or do something immediately in order to get over the anxiety. This catastrophic thinking can come across as too pushy, which can overwhelm your partner.
You need to stop and gather the facts. It’s alright to take a break and talk about it later.
5. Anxiety is the opposite of love.
Anxiety causes you to reject the love your partner is trying to give you. You may doubt your partner for no reason. You do this because your worries and fears have taken over. It’s important for your partner to feel loved in the relationship. One way of doing this is by accepting your partner.
One of the best antidotes for anxiety is mindfulness. This is a form of meditation. You can start with 5-10 minutes a day. Make sure you are in a quiet place and won’t be interrupted.
You can do this before anyone else gets up in the morning. There are many apps that can help with this. Or, you can just close your eyes, clear your mind, and relax. If thoughts try to come in, just acknowledge them without judgment.
It’s also helpful to talk about anxiety. You can start with your friends and family. If you find this is not enough, it’s time to call a professional for help. Unfortunately, a lot of people suffer from anxiety. This means you aren’t alone and aren’t just complaining.
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Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. She has been using mindfulness for 16 years, both in her practice and in her personal life. For more information, visit Lessons for Love.
This article was originally published at Lessons for Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.