10 Important Questions To Ask Your Man When Your Relationship Gets Stale

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With practically the entire world logged on to something, you would think we are more connected than ever. In reality, we are less connected than ever, probably because people are holding themselves back — pigeonholing their emotions into status-worthy updates.

To be in a relationship you need to have a meaningful connection, and that only comes when you are truly connected.

Dr. John Gottman, a therapist known for his work on marriage stability and divorce prediction, found in his research that updating Love Maps  his term for getting to know your partner’s world  helped keep couples connected. According to him, it's important to update them often, as we are always changing.

Use the following 10 questions to better understand your partner's world and stay connected on a deeper level: 


1. In your life, what has been the biggest blessing in disguise? 

We've all been there, and we never thought it would happen to us. But sometimes the toughest moments in life lead to something better. Share your story with your partner and be sure to listen to theirs. 

2. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? 

Use this fun question to find out what your partner really wants to do in life and show your support for their dreams. 

3. Does spending time with other people energize or drain you? 

This will help you figure out if your partner is an introvert or an extrovert. But be careful about making assumptions. People think extroverts are fun and outgoing and that introverts are shy and don't really like being around people, but everybody is different. 

4. If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in three words? 

This would also give you the chance to talk about both of your childhoods, and get a better view of what kind of person your partner wants to be. 

5. What would your perfect day look like? 

It doesn't have to be a special day, but this question will help you figure out how your partner really wants to spend their time and how that relates to how you want to spend yours. 

6. Do you usually follow your head or your heart when making decisions? 

This will reveal if your partner is a thinker or a feeler. Most people have a primary mode of making decisions. Don't let your partner get away with answering both.

7. When was the last time your cried? 

Even the strongest people go soft at times. Try to see if you can get an honest answer out of your partner, but make sure your partner feels safe enough to share something like that with you.

8. What's the best way to end a long day? 

Not only will this help you learn more about your partner, but you can also use their answer to surprise them in the future.

9. What's something you're glad you'll never have to do again? 

This question can be very telling. Usually, the things that were the hardest have really helped shape us and build character. Usually, the worst things we have gone through help make us the strongest.

10. What's one thing you always procrastinate on? 

There is always a reason we procrastinate that usually has to do with our fears. This will help you connect with your partner on a different level. 

These questions are a good start at getting to know your partner. Start to make a list of your favorite questions and spend time every week getting to know each other.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist living in California who has devoted the last 4 years to learning The Gottman Method for couples. View her blog and services at for more help with your relationship.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.