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Despite being a great catch, you're still single.
By Kristin Baker
Last updated on Mar 21, 2024
It wasn’t long ago that women likely felt they brought little to the marriage table. After the dowry went out of fashion, women were largely high school educated and looking for a husband to “take care of them.” Today, however, the landscape of marriage and the position of women in society and the dating world are quite different. More women than men are enrolled in and graduate college, and, overall, women's liberation was a success. But many women still struggle when it comes to finding love and end up asking themselves "Why am I still single?" despite being a great catch. So with all this empowerment, why do women find it so hard to hold on to a relationship? Here are the most common reasons why men leave good women.
Here are the 4 devastatingly common reasons why men leave good women:
1. You pretend to be someone you're not
You should always present the best version of yourself in any situation — dates included. Where you get off track is when you alter your authenticity to match a perceived need in the man. If he loves sailing, you eagerly agree while making a mental note to pick up a case of Dramamine in the event a quick summons to the yacht club occurs. Presenting a distorted reality of yourself dooms you to a prison of falsehood and pressure. Like everything else in life, the truth isn't something you have to remember. Just be yourself. Reveal your true opinions, even if they run contrary to those of your date. You’re not trying to secure a second date; you’re attempting to build a relationship with someone to whom you’re already mildly attracted. Find out early if your personalities are incompatible; it will save heartache down the road.
2. You have unrealistic expectations
Getting to truly know someone takes a while, often a long while. Through dating and being put in various situations, you learn the nature of the person you’re dating. Detach yourself from the outcome. If a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the relationship was bad. It simply means it didn’t have legs to go the distance. Live in the present, enjoy each date regardless of if there’s another one, and let the relationship evolve. What happens will happen — if not, c’est la vie.
3. You lose yourself in the relationship
When a date is great, it's very normal to want to experience it again ... and soon! Don’t allow your life to shift to focus solely on your new love interest. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship or expect him to do the same. Thankfully the advent of the cell phone eliminated the “staying home and sitting by the phone” trap that many women fell into. If a guy calls you up at the last minute to go sailing, it's okay to say you’re otherwise occupied. You should never need a man (or anyone for that matter). His actions are his responsibility. If he doesn’t call you for a week, it doesn't necessarily mean he’s just not that into you. He has family and friends to hang out with and things he wants to do. Women should do the same.
4. You reveal too much about your past relationships
You’ve been hurt. It’s part of life. Nothing's guaranteed in this life, especially in relationships. A bad ending, as Tom Cruise so wisely said in Cocktail, is the only way relationships end. “If they weren’t bad, they wouldn’t end.” Perhaps your error is in not pulling the plug when you see the third red flag rather than waiting for the twentieth. Not every man needs to hear the gory details of your past relationships. Let the ghosts of relationships past stay where they are: In the past. Other than disclosing pertinent information that impacts your current life, why add dirt to clean water? You think it’s giving your date information about who you are and why you have the views you have, yet what it seems like to the man is a list of things not to do.
Lovely, the first date already has a "don't" list. It’s not fair to hold anyone responsible for the actions of another. Let the past go, and enter each relationship as a new experience. You learn about yourself through each relationship. Be grateful for every experience, even the painful ones. You learn what you can tolerate and what you can’t. Women need to recognize their empowerment. You're not auditioning for the lead part in his movie. Relationships are as complex as they are rewarding. No one should ever complete you. They should compliment you (and vice versa). Go into dating as if you’re meeting a new friend. Love will evolve naturally, not only by sharing a love for the same hobby.
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Kristin Baker is a life and career coach who wants to help her clients find the best relationship of their lives.