Love, Sex

5 Behaviors That Could Sabotage Your Budding Relationship

As a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and former therapist my job is to help clients uncover patterns of behavior that sabotage their goal of finding love. My specialty is preparing Singles over 40 to return to the dating world, date more mindfully, and gain the highest level of results in their dating lives. Having worked as a Dating Coach and Matchmaker since 2005, I have seen recurring themes in my clients that have sabotaged budding relationships. Here are the five biggest pitfalls I have noticed. I hope you keep them in mind so that you can be more mindful in your dating approach and be rewarded with the relationship you desire and deserve!

5 Behaviors to AVOID:

1) Believing that your date is your soul mate from first contact. We all want to believe in love at first sight, however, I would caution you to take dating slowly and allow your relationship to grow and develop naturally. You’ll only set yourself up for heartache if you believe you have connected with your soul mate after a few successful phone calls or your first few dates. The emotional component involved in the idea of a soul mate is enticing, but finding a few similarities in your lives is not enough foundation for a relationship. Be mindful a healthy relationship needs to be cultivated for it to flourish and grow.

2) Accepting anything about your date that does not match with your morals, values or vision of a relationship. If you find yourself questioning the morals, values (and possibly behavior) of your date, there is a high probability you are not a match. I would encourage you to evaluate your morals and values so that you are clear about what you want when it comes to your perspective match. I have seen clients so eager to form a relationship that they are willing to “settle” for someone who doesn’t share the same morals and values. Instead they create a fantasy, ignoring the differences. Don’t be fooled into believing “opposites attract”. That only holds true for interests, not for morals, values and vision of a relationship.

3) Becoming overly eager to push the relationship forward to gain a commitment regardless of where your partner is emotionally. When I first started out as a Dating Coach I would often find my clients engaging in this type of behavior. After a few of these experiences I came to realize why many of my clients were overly eager to “close the deal.” Most if not all of these clients came from long-term monogamous relationships and they wanted to get right back into that comfort zone. “Dating around” (not to be confused with sleeping around) is uncomfortable for many, but it’s a means to an end. If you focus your efforts on closing the deal, you might be distracted and miss possible red flags. Worse yet, you may scare your potential match away. Take things slowly and allow your relationship to develop naturally without being forced.

4) Revealing all your personal (and perhaps negative) information right away. I am not talking about name, address and home phone number; (although, for safety reasons, you should wait before revealing those as well). I am talking about all your personal, private relationship information, family history or even medical information: otherwise known as TMI. Many singles over 40 feel if this information is “uncovered” in the future they would appear disingenuous or as if they were “hiding” something. Once again relationships need time to grow and flourish. You don’t want to scare your potential match off with information he / she might not be prepared to handle upon a first, second or third meeting. Once a relationship is establish and they know you better, then you can introduce more private, personal information. Personal information is better shared once you have developed some trust in the relationship.

5) Having Sex right away. When coaching I ALWAYS advise my clients (men and women) to wait as long as possible for sexual intimacy. Having sex too early in a relationship adds complexities to your relationship often resulting in the conclusion of the relationship sooner rather than later. Once sexual intimacy is introduced, it can cloud your judgment impairing your ability to determine if your date is a good match or not. You could find yourself bound to the intimacy and involved in a relationship that is not healthy or fulfilling. Waiting and taking time can give you the advantage of determining relationship compatibility.


Engaging in any of these behaviors could potentially wreak havoc on your goal of finding love. As always, take things slowly, be mindful of your choices and behaviors, and let the relationship unfold naturally.

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Wishing you a day filled with LOVE! ~ Julianne