What A Guy Really Means When He Wants To 'Take A Break' In A Relationship

Do you have a hard time understanding this behavior from men?

By Joe Amoia — Written on Mar 18, 2021

Photo: getty

Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy where you thought things were going great and then, out of the blue, the guy said six words that caused your whole world to come crumbling down?

If you’re a woman who's been walking this earth for more than a decade, there’s a good chance you’ve had a man (or two) say these words to you: "I want to take a break."

In fact, the moment he said these words, it might have felt as if someone reached into your chest, grabbed your heart, and squeezed all of the life out of it.

And as soon as those six words landed in your auditory canal and made their way to your brain for processing, everything took a turn for the worse, right?

How could a guy, with whom you felt such an amazing connection, tell you he needed a break? It didn’t make sense.

When a man wants to "take a break" in a relationship, it can be confusing and shocking.

Taking a break would have been a different story if you were fighting and not getting along. But, if you’ve given him your heart and he tells you that he needs to take a break, it crushes your soul.

I get it. It doesn’t make sense because you would never tell a man that you were in love with that you wanted to take a break, right?

Well, that’s part of the problem. You’re seeing his behavior through your viewpoint as a woman.

In addition to being a card-carrying member of the male species for a few decades, I’ve also been studying human behavior for over 30 years.

When a man tells a woman that he wants to take a break there's a reason — there's always a reason! And not understanding that reason causes you to swim in the pool of the confused and broken-hearted.

Here's what taking a break really means to a man.

1. He’s getting ready to commit and he’s scared.

On the surface, this doesn’t sound good. If a guy is getting ready to commit his life to a woman, he should be excited and certain about the future.

But that’s not always the case.

For some guys, the thought of spending the rest of their life with a woman — any woman — is a very scary thing, especially if they grew up in an environment where they experienced the adverse effects of divorce or dysfunctional relationships.

In this case, what often happens is the guy needs to take a break so he can figure things out and know, with certainty, that he's making the right decision.

Once he realizes the importance and role the woman is playing in his life, he returns, often with an engagement ring and the confidence that he is with the right woman to share his life with.

2. He doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you anymore.

This reason is often hard to digest. It would be a lot easier if the guy was 100 percent honest and told you the truth about why he wanted a break.

But, unfortunately, a lot of guys are not very skilled when it comes to communication.

Instead of telling you the truth by saying, "Look, Mary, I originally wanted to be with you, but I now realize that you’re not the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with," it’s simply easier for him to say, "I want to take a break."

In his mind, instead of being upfront and ending the relationship, he tries to ease his transition out of the relationship by using the break as an excuse to get away.

3. He doesn’t want to hurt you.

I’m a straight-shooter and I believe it’s best to tell someone the truth, even if you know it might hurt them in the short term.

I believe that you hurt someone more by not being honest and upfront. It’s something I learned growing up in a very direct and brutally honest Italian family.

But not everyone thinks the same way.