Fill Your Own Love Cup First

Loving ourselves first is the ultimate way to find and create love with another.


As we approach Valentine’s Day and advertisements remind us to “Buy for that Someone Special”  decorated with Cupid’s arrow piercing a big red heart, I invite you to start with yourself.

As a life coach, I hear from my single clients how a deep connection with a partner is missing in their lives. They long for that shared love in their life. In our unpeeling of the layers a common ingredient is found. A lack of self love.


When we don’t hold ourselves up with our words and actions we are telling the world we are unlovable.

Think about the people in your life either present or in the past to whom you have been attracted. I bet they had self-respect, took care of themselves and honored their individuality. It is a turn on to be around confident people who believe they matter.

I say date yourself first and fall in love with your beautiful self before worrying about finding a mate. And if you already have a mate, how lucky for them that you spend the effort to love yourself. For this will ripple out to all those around you, creating a tidal wave of love.


Three steps to begin the journey of self-love:

  • Watch the words you speak about yourself. Do you look in the mirror and say, “Oh, geez you would look so much better if you lost the double chin and waxed your eyebrows? Or do you say, “You are rock star gorgeous and I love you just the way you are?” You must start with speaking gently with positive words that uplift not drag you down. Would you want to hang out with someone who told you that they would love you more if you changed something about yourself? Then stop putting conditions on yourself.
  • Challenge your beliefs. Are you believing false truths about yourself? Do you believe you will only be loved if you act or look a certain way. Do your beliefs support you? I invite you on this self-love journey to love all parts of you, even the parts of yourself that annoy, bother and bug the crap out of you. Start loving those pieces of you as part of the whole package or do something about it.
  • Do one thing a day that demonstrates self-love. Is there a thing, an ativity or an action that fills you whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? Do you love to sing but keep your mouth closed?  Do you move your body in a way that restores and feels good? What about the foods you eat, do they nourish your body mind and soul? Read, listen, eat, move, do, be the things you love that feed your soul. Do one thing first, at the start of your day.

People are drawn to those who radiate confidence and love. I invite you to focus on pouring for yourself, filling up your own cup and that act alone will change those around you. They’ll wonder, “What is it about her?” In their curiosity they will be pulled in by your authentic loving of yourself. Then it will be up to you whether or not you decide to let them in.