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Here's the truth.
By Janet Brito, PhD, PSY, LCSW, CST — Written on Oct 20, 2017
While magazines and articles often talk about how to give your partner an orgasm or how they can give one to you, the truth is that your orgasm is in your control.
As you learn what stimulates you and what doesn’t, you obtain the kind of information you need to make your orgasm a reality and that’s a powerful thing.
Your pleasure is your responsibility, so share with your partner what you need from them or what you need to do for yourself.
Here are some orgasm facts and the 5 questions to ask so you can start enjoying sex a lot more:
1. What is your sexual story?
Your autobiographical history will influence your views on sex, your body, and your relationships. Develop an awareness of what factors shaped your beliefs about sex so that you are not kept hostage by negative views that hinder you from realizing your desires and experiencing orgasmic pleasure.
2. What do you need to know about your body?
For instance, research shows that women orgasm in various ways and so do men. Know your erogenous zones, understand your preferred style, feel comfortable in your body, and gain confidence teaching your partner.
Watch Dr. Lori Buckley discuss the G-spot and some of the best sex positions for female orgasms.
3. What do you need to do to feel more sexually confident?
Dig deep and explore what hang-ups you have about orgasm and start to work on letting go of your insecurities. No matter what your past may be, it is OK to start anew and begin to give yourself permission to experience pleasure, in and out of the bedroom.
4. How do you like to be touched?
Instead of faking an orgasm, coach your lover, and provide instruction on how you like to be sexually touched. Most of all, practice with yourself so that you are confident giving instructions to your lover.
Sexual communication is key or else it is difficult to know what takes you to cloud 9.
5. What do you say to your significant other?
It is best to chat about sexual preferences before you head to the bedroom, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. This will avoid unnecessary frustration because you both have laid out the expectations. But if you don’t have time, it is fine to chat in the bedroom.
Go ahead and speak your mind. Do it in a kind or in a sexy way. Say things like, "Slowly, faster, up and down, yes, stay there." Give positive reinforcement by telling your partner how much you love it when they grab you and take control or when they let you take the lead or whatever is your fancy. Let yourself speak freely. It will be worth the ride.
Getting to know your body and allowing yourself to have an orgasm is a learning process. I would even dare to say that there is a learning curve. But with some practice, increased body awareness, lots of curiosity, and your favorite fantasy, you will be able to experience some gratifying ecstasy.
Dr. Janet Brito is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu, HI. For more information about their services, explore their website or call (808) 225-2780 today.