4 Questions To Ask A Guy Before Deciding He's Your Soulmate

Photo: Unsplash: Tim Mossholder
4 Deep Relationship Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Before Getting Married
Love

Plus 6 to ask yourself.

Deciding someone is your soulmate is a massive turning point in romantic relationships. It's the milestone that distinguishes, "We're just dating" from, "We're falling in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together as kindred spirits."

Such labels always come with a certain set of expectations, and if you don't communicate clearly with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you're likely to have a big mess of misunderstandings waiting for you down the road.

In order to make sure that's not the case, there are some important, deep questions to ask a guy or girl before deciding they're "the one" and that you'll soon be getting married.

RELATED: 8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want True Love That Lasts Forever

Once you get past the honeymoon period and the realities of life set in, you want to be sure your two lives will be able to find a healthy ways to intertwine.

So if you want to know how to find your soulmate, here are 4 deep question to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend before deciding you're kindred spirits, taking a leap of faith and getting married.

1. "What does a healthy relationship look like to you?"

When it comes to romantic relationships, "healthy" means different things to different people, based on what we each have experienced and know.

For some, a relationship that seems controlling and stressful to others feels loving and fun to them. Determining what's 'normal' for you and for your significant other helps you set realistic goals, expectations and boundaries together.

For example, Jamie* dated Mark and thought he was the perfect guy — for about six months. At that point, conflicts started to arise between them over issues such as who should move to the other's place. Mark's idea of a healthy relationship was one in which there was never conflict, but his idea was a fantasy. Once they both discussed their own definitions of a healthy relationships, they were able to find a happy medium and get their relationship back on track.

2. "How do you deal with conflict?"

The first six months of a relationship are often smooth sailing. We tend to be the best version of ourselves during that initial stage, but no matter who you are, life happens and conflicts arise sooner or later and that is perfectly healthy.

In fact, experiencing conflicts in relationships can be a great way to address problems right as they appear, and knowing how your partner typically deals with conflict will prepare you to cope for those times when things aren't going as swimmingly well.

If your partner says they hate conflict, find out why. Learn about his conflict style before any arises.

This is also a good time to gaining a better understanding of yours as well. For example, I tend to be conflict avoidant, so when my husband and I have a disagreement, I'm often tempted to turn my back and try to pretend it doesn't exist. By learning to recognize my conflict style — and how mad it drives my husband — I've learned to stay and talk things through instead.

RELATED: 50 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend (Before Your Relationship Gets Too Serious)

3. "Do you believe relationships are worth fighting for?"

Relationships are easy to stay in when things are going well, but you want to know this person will stick around when your relationship inevitably hits bumps in the road.

When my husband and I started dating, he told me his parents had been together for over 40 years, and explained that while they've had their ups and downs, they always work things through. To this day, he tells me he'll always fight for our marriage, no matter what.

A soulmate is a once in a lifetime kind of thing, not an, "I love you ... until things get too hard" kind of arrangement.

4. "Is there anything you'd change about me?"

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who they are, not for the person their partner thinks they could be.

Your soulmate should allow you to be the authentic, unfiltered and unedited version of yourself, and asking this question will help you know whether this person can love you unconditionally, just as you are.

Here are a few things he might say in response:

  • "Not one thing. You make me feel really good."
  • "Never. I feel so comfortable around you."
  • "No, I wouldn't change a thing."

If this person is your soulmate, you shouldn't have to change yourself to make them happy.

Being 'soulmates' is a two way street, of course, so before you decide this person is "the one," there are important questions you need to ask yourself as well.

You want to tune in and see if he feels the same way you do.

Listen to how he talks about your relationship, and then ask yourself the following:

  • Does he talk about how connected he feels to you?
  • Has he dropped the 'l' word?
  • Does he talk about the way you make him feel?
  • Does he include you when he talks about his plans for the future?
  • Does he believe in soulmates?

And, finally, perhaps the most important question of all ...

  • Do I make a good soulmate for him?

*All names changes to preserve privacy.

RELATED: 100 Deep Questions To Ask A Guy Before Your Relationship Gets Too Serious

Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks in dating, attract the good guys, and communicate from a space of love and clarity. Download her free mini course to Attract Healthy Love.

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