6 Ways To Help A Woman Feel Safe During Sex

Empower her to enjoy herself.

happy couple in bed Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

It may seem obvious, but some men don't seem to understand that feeling safe during sex is important for women's sexual satisfaction. 

“As women, we need to feel safe to enjoy sex; it’s that simple,” writes intimacy coach Stacey Herrera. Sadly, many men fail to realize the importance of feeling safe in their sexual encounters with women. 

For many women, feeling safe is essential to climax.


Women often struggle to orgasm with a male partner due to anxiety and insecurities. Many men fail to understand what's meant for a woman to feel safe. It's not just about physical and financial security.

For a woman to truly feel safe with a man, she needs to trust and be comfortable with him. Emotional intimacy is paramount to a sexually fulfilling relationship.

So what makes a woman feel safe with a man?

It's when she can open up, be her authentic self without judgment, and feels comfortable in his presence.

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As a man, there's no greater feeling than helping a woman reach orgasm in your arms. An orgasm is more likely to happen when a woman is relaxed and in a loving state-of-mind.


To help a woman reach the seventh heaven, you need to make her feel safe. You need to create a relaxed environment where she can feel comfortable. You need to create a loving environment where she feels secure.

Here are six ways to do that. 

1. Reassure her so that she feels confident about her body.

Studies have shown that body dissatisfaction can make it harder for women to get aroused and enjoy sex. Many women are self-conscious about their body and worry about their genitalia.

Overthinking affects a woman’s ability to orgasm.

2. Earn her trust authentically.

For a woman to feel safe with a man, she needs to feel trust. To earn her trust, you need to be clear with your intentions. Make sure there is an alignment with your words and actions.


A woman’s body is designed to receive. And to receive she needs to surrender. And to surrender, there needs to be trust, safety, and intimacy.

3. Be honest. 

Openness means transparency. It involves being open and honest with your partner.

One of the most important things in making a woman feel safe is to be open and honest. Being honest involves being truthful in your words and deeds.

Speak openly and honestly. Tell her the truth when you speak and show her your integrity by your actions.

4. Be affectionate

Women are attracted to affectionate men. Such a man takes the time to understand and meet her needs.

To understand her, you need to love her. To love her, you need to please her. And not just in the bedroom.


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5. Connect on a soul level.

To truly connect with a woman, you need to provide emotional security.

It's well-known that women’s primary need is to feel safe. Emotional security is just as important as financial security to turn a woman on.

It’s deeper than getting naked and making love. It’s about finding a true connection between two souls.

6. Be considerate, in the bedroom and out.

Being considerate means being thoughtful, patient, and selfless. It's a man who takes time to please a woman. It's a man who prioritizes female pleasure and wants to sexually satisfy his wife.  


A considerate man listens to women. He listens to understand. He doesn’t always listen to fix a problem but to show that he is there for her,

It makes a woman feel special when she knows a man cares for her. A man who allows her to speak without shutting her down.

Why do so many women struggle to have orgasms?

For many women, the orgasm is elusive, especially when a man is involved. Studies reveal, a third of women struggle to climax, and about 80% of women never orgasm from intercourse alone.

In many cases, it is because they do not feel safe with their male partner. Feeling safe is essential for women to climax.

Only 65 percent of women orgasm compared to 95 percent of men, another study found. This discrepancy is known as the orgasm gap. Men can play an active part to resolve this pleasure inequality.


To make this pleasure goal a reality, both men and women, need to work together. It requires changing attitudes towards women and pleasure. Women deserve pleasure just as much as men.

Women need to feel entitled to pleasure and men need to create a safe space.

Oftentimes, men disregard emotional security for a woman’s sexual well-being.

Similarly, many women have convinced themselves that they're un-orgasmic due to years of bad sex leaving them sexually unfulfilled without orgasms.

Great sex is not about penis size, lasting long, or vaginal tightness. Great sex is about mutual pleasure, sexual fulfillment, and connectedness.

To have great sex, a man needs to help the woman feel safe, comfortable, and at ease.


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Habeeb Akande is a sex educator, YourTango Expert, and author of Kunyaza: The Secret to Female Pleasure. Habeeb runs intimacy workshops on sexual well-being and was featured in a BBC documentary exploring female sexual pleasure. For more information on how to have (or give) female orgasms, follow him on Twitter @Habeeb_Akande.