Love, Heartbreak

7 Ways To Lovingly (But Firmly!) Make Boundaries About Your Ex

If you decided to end your relationship, people around you might have a hard time accepting your decision. Of course, they don't know all the details that made you take such a bold step. And it might also be a certain inertia that keeps them away from understanding your decision; they could be caught in their own perception about your relationship, or how you should handle it.

Here are 7 strategies to lovingly, yet firmly, state your boundaries about your ex, so people start accepting your decisions and you can move on:

1. Give some examples from their own lives of when they had to state their own boundaries, because they felt it was the right thing to do be true to themselves and move forward. Then give similar examples from your relationship that contribute to your decision.

2. Ask them to notice the difference between how you felt when you were in that relationship, and how feel are now. If you took the right decision, you might feel like a huge weight was lifted from your shoulders. Let them know that! 

3. Think about what it is the most important for them to have in their own relationships (something they couldn't live without). Give them examples of things that matter the most to you in a relationship, that you couldn't get, despite your best efforts.

4. Notice if this relationship revealed a pattern that repeated in several relationships you've had in the past. Let them know what you've learned this time, the better person you became by learning your lesson and how you will use it from now on. The strength and respect for yourself that you gained from this lesson allows you to now let go of a relationship that doesn't serve you and your ex anymore. Show them how your decision could also help him become a better person; it could be an indirect message, but still a powerful life lesson for him too.

5. Talk with excitement about your plans for the future, plans that could not be fulfilled if you continued that relationship...and give examples why.

6. Tell them about what you did to make this relationship work (and it still failed). Ask them if they would continue forever a relationship that doesn't bring happiness to both partners.

7. Life is a journey. If you tried all the above strategies, and didn't work, ask them to leave you alone for a while—to reflect more about your decision. At least this strategy should give you a break to find other strategies that might work.

Taking responsibility for your decisions is part of the growth process. And with it comes also dealing with situations that occur following those decisions. So don't be disappointed or frustrated when others don't get it; be calm and stay strong, and they will hopefully understand ... eventually!