Love, Self

How To Tell If A Guy Likes You — Or Not

Photo: Avi Richards on Unsplash
How To Tell If A Guy Likes You Or Not

If you're tired of trying to figure out how to tell if a guy likes you, I've developed a highly effective technique for women built around on a basic strategy called "mirroring."

Essentially, following this dating advice means you don't do anything unless the man you're interested in does it first.

You don't call him. You don't text him. You don't try to make plans with him.

If he doesn't make an effort, that means he's sending you undeniably clear signs that he simply isn't either interested or motivated about dating you, let alone about becoming your boyfriend or partner in a long-term romantic relationship.

Case closed.

Frankly, I find mirroring to be close to foolproof when it comes to being able to know if a guy likes you.

But that said, nothing in life is perfect.

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It's entirely possible that you can "do nothing" as I advocate, and the man pulls away, saying, "You don't make enough of an effort for me".

But although that's certainly possible, it still doesn't mean that you should stop mirroring.

To explain why, let's consider a situation outside of the realm of love and dating, and let's say you wanted to lose 10 pounds.

You read every diet book and women’s magazine under the sun and conclude that the simplest way to go about this would be to eat smaller portions of healthier foods and get to the gym three times a week for cardio exercise.

You do exactly that. For one month, you’re a dieting machine (with the occasional dark chocolate and red wine indulgence, of course).

To measure your progress at the end of those first four weeks, you get on the scale — only to find you weigh the exact same amount you did four weeks ago.

Does this mean that you shouldn't continue to eat smaller, healthier portions and hit the treadmill regularly? Of course not.

It might mean that there’s something else you can tweak, but the basic principles of dieting remain true, regardless of their results.

Mirroring a man’s efforts isn’t nearly as scientific a technique as dieting, but I think it’s pretty hard to contradict the general guiding principle.

Ultimately, men do what they want to do.

If he wants to call you, he’ll call you. If he wants to see you, he’ll see you. If he wants to commit to you, he’ll commit to you.

And if he doesn’t do any or all of those things, he’s not really a suitable boyfriend for you, is he?

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Furthermore, even if you do eventually end up in a relationship with a guy like that, remember that men who need you to do all of the calling and texting and planning for them are pretty much guaranteed to make you do all the work in a relationship, for as long as it lasts.

Any guy who sends texts to tell you that he doesn’t hear from you enough and that you aren't doing enough to woo him isn't, in my opinion, much of a man.

I dated my wife for a year and a half before proposing and I don’t think she initiated contact with me once during that time.

And that wasn't because she was playing games. It was because she knew that if I wanted to talk to her, I would call her.

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You may not have the fortitude to really trust that a guy will make the effort to pursue you, so you unconsciously try to manipulate him subtly instead, saying things like, “Hey, I’ve got tickets to the Dodgers on Sunday. Wanna go?”, or, “I haven’t heard from you in awhile. Is everything OK at work?”

The cold, hard truth is that you shouldn’t have to do anything to remind him that you exist.

He knows you exist. And if he’s not making every effort for you, there’s really not much left to interpret.

Sure, you can go back to pursuing men who are apparently too busy or lazy or afraid to say things like, “So, what are you doing Saturday?”

But where would that leave you?


Because when a guy is behaving that way, you won’t know if he’s going out with you because he wants you, or if it's only because he’s filling time until a woman he really wants comes along.

When you don’t do anything, you can quickly figure out where you stand with a guy.

Of course, there will be some exceptions to this rule. Only you can decide when to apply the rules and when to waive them when trying to determine if a guy likes you.

But make no mistake about it: when we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re tired, we sleep. When we’re interested, we call.

It ain’t that complex.

And if a passive guy is making excuses and claiming to be hurt that you didn’t pursue him, well boohoo for him.

He’ll find a woman who’s more man than he is, and you’ll be free to find a man who actually knows that it’s his role to pursue you.

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Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach for smart women who have everything but the guy. To discover three reasons you’re guaranteed to fall in love and live happily ever after, visit his website.

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