6 Reasons Rebound Relationships Are A Horrible Freaking Idea

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how to not rebound after a breakup

After a breakup or divorce, have you ever had a well-meaning friend say something like, “You should just be single for awhile"? When all you want is to either get back with your ex or have a relationship with someone new, those words grate like nails on a chalkboard. It can feel like the only thing that you want is to fill the void.

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As downright irritating as the statement can be, I’m going to explain why avoiding a rebound relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself and how to not rebound after a breakup. Here are some real reasons you should lay low and avoid bouncing into another relationship.

1. The new relationship timeline will be all out of whack.

Rebound relationships follow an unnatural timeline. Since the recently broken up person hasn’t had the opportunity to be single, their “in a relationship” behavior simply transfers over to the new person.

Without courtship, there isn’t a sense of newness or mystery, and it’s a mistake because it’s often a huge turn-off to the other person.

2. There's no time to process your feelings and choose someone well suited for you.

Rebounds don’t give you the chance to evaluate what happened in the failed relationship since the new relationship takes priority. People run toward whatever they were lacking in the failed relationship without taking the time to evaluate what they really want.

3. It puts a pause button on personal growth.

When you don’t take the time t  deal with your grief about failed relationships, the pain doesn’t simply vanish. It’s still there, waiting for a time to force you to process it and work though it. 

This leads to a "grass is always greener" scenario where, after the rebound relationship falters, people potentially want to run back to their ex who they now see with rose-colored glasses.

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4. It puts too much pressure on your new partner.

The other person in a rebound relationship feels the full effects of your sadness over the failed pairing with someone else. Sometimes, dealing with the negativity is just too much for someone else to take, and it's unfair to put someone else in that position.

5. There's a high potential for you to act clingy.

Transferring all of your “in a relationship” behavior over to someone brand new doesn’t work for a several reasons. 

First, you don’t have the rapport yet with a new person that you had with your ex. If you do all of the same couple-y things that were a habit in your old relationship with your new flame, it’s often a total turn-off for the new person.

It’s like introducing a wild animal to a domesticated one. It’s hard to take a person who has been free and single for a while and immediately make them part of a couple without significant growing pains. You have to give your relationship time to adapt and grow, one step at a time.

6. Your breakup can make the new person feel like your relationship is on shaky ground (and it is).

Watching the aftermath of your breakup leaves the door open for them to wonder if you’re really ready for another serious relationship, or if you’ll cheat on them in the future instead of dealing with problems. Give yourself time to get grounded before you jump into something new.

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Elizabeth Stone is an author and dating coach who helps people get back together and create the connection they truly deserve. Feel unhappy and disconnected from your man? Get to the bottom of it with a free copy of her book, Why Men Lose Interest and free daily email (almost) series.

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This article was originally published at Digital Romance Inc. Reprinted with permission from the author.