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Rebounds are high-pressure situations for both people.
By Elizabeth Stone
Last updated on Nov 18, 2023
A well-meaning friend says, “You should just be single for a while."
The words grate like nails on a chalkboard because the only thing you want is to fill the emotional void. All you want is to get back with your ex or have a relationship with someone new.
As downright irritating as the statement can be, I’m going to explain why avoiding a rebound relationship is the best thing you can do, and how not to rebound after a breakup. You need to lay low and avoid bouncing into another relationship.
Here are 6 reasons rebound relationships always end horribly, according to a love coach:
1. The new relationship timeline will be all out of whack.
Rebound relationships follow an unnatural timeline. When a recently broken up person hasn’t been single, their “in a relationship” behavior transfers to the new person.
Without courtship, there isn’t a sense of newness or mystery, and it’s a mistake because it’s often a huge turn-off to the other person.
2. There's no time to process your feelings and choose someone well-suited for you.
Rebounds don’t allow you to evaluate what happened in the failed relationship since the new relationship takes priority. People run toward whatever is lacking in the failed relationship without taking the time to evaluate what they want.
3. It puts a pause button on personal growth.
When you don’t take the time to deal with your grief about failed relationships, the pain doesn’t simply vanish. It’s still there, waiting for time to force you to process and work through it.
This leads to a "grass is always greener" scenario where, after the rebound relationship falters, people potentially want to run back to their ex, whom they now see through rose-colored glasses.
4. It puts too much pressure on your new partner.
The other person in a rebound relationship feels the full effects of your sadness over the failed pairing with someone else. Sometimes, dealing with the negativity is just too much for someone else to take, and it's unfair to put someone else in that position.
5. There's a high potential for you to act clingy.
Transferring your “in a relationship” behavior to someone brand new doesn’t work for several reasons.
First, you don’t have the rapport yet with a new person that you had with your ex. If you do all of the same couple of things that were a habit in your old relationship with your new flame, it’s often a total turn-off for the new person.
It’s like introducing a wild animal to a domestic one. It’s hard to take a person who has been free and single for a while and immediately make them part of a couple without significant growing pains. You have to give your relationship time to adapt and grow, one step at a time.
6. Your breakup can make the new person feel like your relationship is on shaky ground (and it is).
Watching the aftermath of your breakup leaves the door open for them to wonder if you’re ready for another serious relationship or if you’ll cheat on them in the future instead of dealing with problems. Give yourself time to get grounded before you jump into something new.
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Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.