5 Things Well-Intentioned People Don't Realize They Do That Keep Them Single
You might be a good person, but your dating behaviors are not.
AnnaNahabed | Canva Dating again? Don't get overwhelmed! Meeting new people isn't easy for everyone. Expectations can be high and it's very easy to make a wrong move when you're feeling insecure, unconfident, or nervous.
Knowing what not to do on your first and second dates can help you to avoid future issues in a relationship, and will also ensure you relax and have a fun time — besides, isn't that what it's all about? Here are some reminders of what not to do on a date.
Here are five things well-intentioned people don't realize they do that keep them single:
1. Assuming your date is exclusive to you without ever talking about it
If you've never talked about it, you shouldn't assume exclusivity, and nor should he. If it's important to you, bring it up and discuss your level of commitment to each other.
2. Excessively speaking, because silence makes you nervous
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Occasional silences allow a conversation to feel natural and unforced. Let him do some of the talking, and don't fill space out of nervousness or habit. If you end up together, you won't be talking all the time, so why force it now?
3. Making intimacy the sole objective
Good reasons for going slowly into an intimate activity include: reducing the risk of STDs, avoiding the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger, averting codependent obsession, and having something to look forward to! If and when it is right, it will happen. There's no advantage in rushing. Research from The Institute for Family Studies states that the longer a couple waits to be intimate, the higher the chance of having a happy, healthy relationship.
4. Dating beyond your budget
It doesn't impress your date if, in the long run, you have to make an embarrassing confession that you can't afford the lifestyle you've been living, and besides, "buying" someone's affection doesn't work. A wide disparity in income calls for frank discussion early on.
If your date spends a lot on you, reciprocating with a home-cooked meal, a handmade gift, or needed repair work will help even the tally. One poll done by The Little Potato Company states that more Americans are likely to date someone if they can cook. Don't feel pressure to "pay" someone back with such gestures, however, if you're not interested romantically.
5. Being overly-self-conscious
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The media focus on youth and fitness these days is enough to make anyone feel insecure and unattractive. Look your best, tell yourself you're desirable, and then forget about it.
Instead of worrying about what your date thinks of you, focus on what you think of your date. You want to make sure you like them first before you end up worrying about if they like you.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist with over 40 years of experience in counseling individuals and couples. She is the author of 14 books in 17 languages.