8 Ways To Take Care Of Yourself, If You're The Person Who Always Takes Care Of Everyone Else
A psychotherapist shares words of wisdom with her favorite clients — other caretakers.
MEUM MARE | Pexels As healthcare professionals and caretakers, we are part of a worldwide collective of souls who have been called to serve the vulnerable first and give ourselves self-love last. Our work as protectors, guides, and advocates is more than just a day at the office. We touch lives in a way that transforms our career from a paycheck into an expression of love. Twenty-five years later, I embarked on a search for a clearer definition of this elusive term. I felt compelled to bring a deeper meaning to my work in the community.
While many of us in this field have been able to embrace the idea of loving service to victims, we continue to struggle with the idea of loving ourselves with the same passion in which we choose to love the people who we serve. Self-love, in the form of self-care, guides us in maintaining the primary tools of our work — our bodies, minds, and spirits. Our spiritual growth is more than just memorizing text and speaking from a pulpit — it is about our connection with creation, the world, and ourselves.
Here are eight ways to take care of yourself if you're the person who always takes care of everyone else:
1. Honor your humanity
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While we may be experts at guiding others through extreme challenges, healers, we will also be faced with similar challenges in our lives. Expect to make mistakes. Choose to forgive yourself for errors in judgment.
No significant cross-lagged associations were found between self-care and compassion fatigue. Overall, findings from a 2023 analysis suggest that implementing self-care is a good way for mental health workers to take care of themselves. However, more research is needed to understand what motivates these workers to use self-care.
2. Seek personal therapy
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Sharing sacred space with a non-judgmental source of support and guidance is a courageous and powerful act of self-love. Numerous studies have demonstrated that psychotherapy can change the neural pathways in the brain, resulting in increased self-awareness and healing.
A 2019 literature review shows that personal therapy is standard among mental health professionals. Some studies report that 72–75% of therapists have had personal treatment. Individual therapy can help mental health professionals become more self-aware, which is essential for the personal nature of their profession.
3. Practice nutritional integrity
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Choose to honor the primary tools of your work by feeding it well. Those wonderful, carbohydrate, and sugar-laden lunches and snacks that you are consuming negatively impact your mental and physical health. Ultimately, they also inhibit your presence and performance in the workplace.
Consume the daily “rainbow” of green, red, yellow, and purple foods. Take your vitamins. Drink plenty of water. Strengthen the source of your wisdom that lies in your “second” brain—your gut.
4. Limit your alcohol intake
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Alcohol is the fuel for the “car” of depression. That “Man, this was a tough day, let’s go have a drink” conversation that you have with your peers can cost you the precious gift of your mental health.
Alcohol and mental health are closely linked, with people who drink alcohol more likely to develop mental health problems. People with severe mental illness are also more likely to have alcohol problems. According to a 2020 study, alcohol affects brain chemistry, increasing the risk of depression, panic disorder, and impulsive behavior.
5. Move your body
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Do you want to get high? Take that priceless body of yours to a place of euphoria through the natural release of endorphins. While it may feel like torture in the beginning, allow your brain a few weeks to clear out the clutter that grew in your inertia. In return, it will present you with a taste of the natural opiates that can only come from exercise.
6. Take a sacred pause
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My fantasy is to run an agency in which all employees take a mandatory nap at 3:00 pm. I live out this fantasy every day, by taking what I refer to as the “sacred pause”—a moment to slow down, close my eyes, become centered, and gather up the necessary energy for completing my day. Witnessing pain and sorrow, celebrating achievements, and even noticing our rage, fatigue, or imbalance, can serve as wonderful opportunities to check in with our innate wisdom.
According to a 2022 American Psychological Association (APA) survey, 45% of licensed psychologists in the United States reported feeling burnt out. The World Health Organization (WHO) describes burnout as a syndrome that results from chronic workplace stress that is not managed successfully.
7. Pray, meditate, and listen
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Larry Dossey, physician, and author of Prayer is Good Medicine found that people who engage in the regular practice of prayer and/or meditation experience more positive outcomes when faced with surgeries and other health challenges. Consistent yoga or other meditative practices also increase emotional awareness and guide us in controlling our reactivity.
As a student of Sufism, a major requirement of my religious/spiritual lifestyle involves praying five times a day—at dawn, noon, late afternoon, sunset, and evening. In addition to the required prayers, I also pray a minimum of 10 other times during the day— as my feet touch the ground to start my day when my children leave for school, and before and after each of my clients.
Simply allowing ourselves a sacred moment of quiet contemplation, self-reflection, and the processing of emotions can counteract the heartache that is the reality of our daily work with victims of trauma and abuse.
Mindfulness interventions can help therapists become more attentive, comfortable with silence, and attuned to themselves and their clients. A study conducted in 2023 found that meditation can reduce stress levels in healthcare workers, improving the quality of care they provide.
8. Connect with others
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Although we might sometimes feel that we are alone in this work, the reality is that we are deeply connected with a rope called, “Need”. Reach out to friends and colleagues daily. Check in with your beloveds (even when you cannot provide details of your work). To choose to do this work in isolation is to choose to engage in what the Christian mystic Thomas Merton referred to as, “violence against ourselves.” Open your heart to the reality that you are never alone.
During a recent talk in Washington, DC, Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach reminded her audience that a true spiritual path is one of forgetting and remembering. When we become engrossed in the daily work of guiding the vulnerable members of society, we often forget our own needs for compassionate care. Our self-care practices serve as wonderful tools for reminding us that we are worthy of love. These practices bring us back to our essence.
I invite you continually return to your essence, and the tremendous gifts that you have been given. I invite you to remember the essential qualities that led you to this meaningful work – the kindness in your eyes, your empathic spirit, and the openness that rests in your heart. Remember that your life of service is not an accident—that you give meaning to actions and events that are often beyond comprehension. My prayer for each of you is that you embrace the deep knowing that to serve others, you must be equally willing to serve your soul.
Mental health professionals and people with severe mental health illnesses can find it challenging to communicate effectively. A 2017 study found that practical communication skills can increase patient satisfaction and adherence to treatment. Mental health practitioners can integrate social support interventions into their strategies, such as assessing social support systems and tailoring interventions accordingly.
Sabrina N'Diaye, PhD is the founder of the Heart Nest Wellness Center. For over 25 years, she has served as a guide for trauma survivors, couples, and women in recovery, and healthcare professionals. She serves as a mentor for countless therapists and runs regular retreats for women healers.