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If your man can't handle his financials, what makes you think he can handle a marriage?
By Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
Last updated on Apr 01, 2024
Balancing the family budget requires teamwork and setting common goals. People who are in love support each other through thick and thin — through good and bad financial times. Before you decide that he's the right guy to marry, you need to take a serious look at how he views financial goals, choices, and commitments. Since the number one cause of disagreements in marriages is financial, it's critical to observe if the guy you want to marry exhibits any of these 12 warning signs.
Here are 12 small financial signs you're in love with a deadbeat:
1. You are not on the same financial page
You disagree about almost all financial goals, choices, and commitments.
2. When you quiz him about his budget, it's clear that he doesn't have one
When you suggest that budgeting is a good thing and try to show him how to prepare a financial budget, he acts disinterested or feigns interest and never goes any further with the budgeting process.
3. Rather than pay off his credit cards each month, he pays the minimum
He often pays late or doesn't pay them at all. This is a regular occurrence because he never seems to have enough money to pay his bills.
4. He is often out of work
He blames other people, the high unemployment rate, or other circumstances beyond his control for his lack of employment. He often says that it's just a temporary situation, but even when he's working, he doesn't seem to keep a job for very long.
5. He excessively spends his money without regard to his income
It seems that he's living far beyond his ability to support that level of lifestyle. When he wants something, he buys it without regard to what it costs or how he will pay for it.
6. He tends to be tight-lipped about his financial situation
In successful marriages, partners talk about anything and everything. There are no secrets. If he doesn't want to talk about his financial situation or life goals — that's a red flag.
7. Since you started dating, he has asked to borrow money from you ... repeatedly
While this isn't in and of itself all that much of a problem, it's another warning sign that should alert you to dig further into his financial philosophy. A man who wants to make a good impression is rarely going to borrow money from the woman he's trying to impress.
8. You've noticed bills lying on his desk or kitchen table marked "overdue" or "past due"
This is an indication of a serious problem. Credit ratings are easily available with much emphasis on paying bills on time. Neglecting to pay his bills indicates a lack of concern for a good credit rating or financial credibility.
9. He still lives in his mother's house
While there may be good reasons for this arrangement, it does bring up a cause for concern. Is he there to help out his mother? Is he there because it's easier to live there than to go out and earn a real income? Is he there while he's saving money to buy his own house? It's important to understand his reasons (and there should be some).
10. If he's in a financial rut, he lacks the ambition to get out of it
Without ambition, the two of you are going to have a hard time making your marriage work.
11. He has been in college or a training program for a disproportionately large amount of time
You're beginning to wonder if he'll ever graduate. While it's commendable to gain additional education or training, eventually, you have to graduate and find a job.
12. You often end up paying when you two go out to dinner, a movie, a concert, or a sporting event
While in today's culture, it's appropriate for the woman to occasionally pay the bill on a date, you shouldn't make it a habit. If the guy you're in love with often asks you to pay the bill, it's a red flag. You need to do your homework and investigate further into his financial plans, philosophy, and practices. The last thing you want to do is marry a deadbeat — a man who doesn't have a financial plan, good financial practices, or a financial philosophy that matches yours.
If you go ahead and marry him when you don't agree on finances, you will end up with money problems and endless arguments. Creating a successful marriage or relationship is not always the easiest thing to do, but the fact that you're reading this suggests you're highly interested in making your marriage or relationship work! We have learned, over 30 years of love and marriage research, that there are proven, effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage.
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Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz are renowned love and marriage experts and multiple award-winning authors. Their best-selling book, Building A Love That Lasts, provides readers with insightful and practical tips from thousands of happily married couples.