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How to stay safe, be happy, and maybe even find love on the apps.
By Dona Murphy
Last updated on Dec 26, 2023
If you're new to online dating and unsure which men are worth a right swipe, a nod, a wink, or a message, you need to watch for a few specific types of guys to avoid.
Watching for these types from the beginning, you save your time and heartache later on.
The first flush of attraction can be ever-so-easy to ignore or rationalize warning signs. However, all the information you need is there on the dating sites.
So, take this dating advice to heart: Don't ignore the signs that should be setting off alarms, bells, and flashing lights and send you running for the nearest exit.
Nine common types of online guys to avoid (if you want to find something real)
1. The flim-flammer/scammer
This is a crucial red flag: No one looking to date you should be asking you for money or favors. No. Man.
Never give money to anyone you're chatting with on a dating site or app. If they ask you for money, stop talking to them. These predators use online dating sites to take advantage of women who are lonely for attention and looking for love.
This guy will say anything to build your trust. He'll try to make you fall for him. It's all manipulation meant to get his hands on your hard-earned money.
He needs to attend a family member's funeral. He is late with his rent because his paycheck got lost in the mail. He's interested in moving to the U.S. from another country.
That kind of help is what friends and family are for — not the woman he's chatting with online and hoping to date. Your wallet and bank account are not a part of the package.
2. The love-bomber
Attraction at first sight? Sure. True love at first sight? And from a glimpse at your profile picture? Um, not so much. This guy uses excessive texting, emailing, or phone calls to tell you: "You're so beautiful! I fell in love with you the minute I saw your pic. I just know we're meant to be! We need to get together right away!"
No one falls in love based on a picture, a profile, or a brief message.
Relationships take time to build. Players, narcissists, and sociopaths have agendas with their partners. They often appear intense. They move fast and get serious way too soon.
This guy wants to convince you he's madly in love with you. He'll do his best to intensify the relationship so you feel breathless and swept off your feet.
3. The rusher
This guy gets angry or annoyed in a hurry. If you don’t respond to his message immediately, he sulks and complains about it. Or, he may pressure you into meeting right away 15 minutes after you first exchange messages. If you don't meet him, he may pout or try to wheedle you into changing your mind.
This guy may be needy, controlling, or jealous. Or, he may want to get together for a brief fling rather than develop a relationship.
If this man is looking for something serious, he'll take the time to have a few conversations with you. He'll also wait until you know him before trying to see you.
4. The "only here for the..." guy
When a guy states "not looking for anything serious” on his profile, believe him.
He is not here to find his soul mate. He's not interested in a long-term relationship. He wants to date casually and have some fun. That's no crime.
Unless you are out to have fun and casually date, don't waste your time on him. You're not going to change him.
5. The serial dater
This guy will have plenty of pictures of himself on his dating profile. With other women. Lots of them.
He's out to show the world — and you — that he gets around and is proud of it. It's unlikely he's looking for a serious relationship. And if he should tell you the women in the photos are friends or his relatives, he's most likely lying.
6. Mysterio
The guy who has no pictures of himself on his profile. Or his photos are poorly lit or blurry. He's wearing shades and a hat. What's he hiding? Is he shy?
Mysterio may be in a relationship or married and looking to cheat. Or not, but do you want to hang around to find out?
Photo: WeAre via Shutterstock
7. The unsolicited SMSer
The unsolicited SMSer can hardly wait to send women pictures of himself or shots of specific parts of his anatomy.
He will also ask you for the same. The unsolicited SMSer is looking for one thing.
Men who want to get to know you and form a relationship do not immediately want to show off their package. Nor are they focused on your womanly attributes.
If you're looking for more than a casual relationship, don't waste your time with him.
8. The party boy
A picture or two of a man having drinks or dining with friends is fine. More than that, and you'll see his profile looks as though he's still in college and living the frat boy dream.
If you're looking for a mature man who doesn't party every night or every weekend, skip the Party Boy.
9. The imaginary guy
You can start believing this guy is worth a second look or meeting in person. He sends interesting and witty messages. He's well-spoken and polite. He talks about every subject under the sun but never makes plans to meet you.
Unless you're looking for a 21st-century pen pal or endlessly fascinated by his spiel, move on.
Decide on a set number of messages you are prepared to exchange. It should be 4-6. This number is for you, not him. When it's been reached, tell him you’d like to chat on the phone and make a date to meet. If he won't or he stalls, move on.
When you're learning how to date, especially online, it's important to stay safe. Be happy. Enjoy dating for what it is — a great way to get to know a person.
Online dating isn't so different than any other kind of dating. And it's not meant to remain online. You want time to get to know someone before you're involved and committed.
By knowing how to spot the types of men to avoid, you can focus on meeting men who are worth getting to know. Lastly, don’t ignore your gut instincts and intuition. If something feels wrong or creepy — pay attention!
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Dona Murphy is a life and relationship coach who supplements her sessions with tarot card readings to empower clients along their journey of spiritual development and personal growth.
This article was originally published at Destiny Tarot . Reprinted with permission from the author.