This Is What You Miss Out On If You Have Sex With Someone Too Soon

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How Many Dates Before Sex If You Want Intimacy & A Healthy Relationship

Having sex too soon with someone you just met can lower your chances of being in a relationship with that person. 

The best sex is not just about the physical act of having it. It’s the dance that happens before, during, and after.

RELATED: Why Sleeping With Him Too Soon Might Ruin Your Chance At True Love

There is something magical, intoxicating, and downright sexy about the build-up before going to bed with someone.

If the encounter is going to be wildly passionate and truly intimate, then the dance of getting close to each other through deep, intimate conversations, suggestive flirting, and long, lingering make-out sessions that hint at what’s to come, is key.

We've all been guilty of giving ourselves away to someone a little too soon and later regretted it.

With popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble jokingly referred to by many people as "hook up" sites, more people than ever are jumping into bed on the first date, expecting to have great sex. I'll argue that there's something really special we’re missing out on by doing this.

We miss out on the erotic build up.

We deprive ourselves of the experience of going part way, but not all the way there. We don’t get to lay in bed on a Saturday morning fantasizing about what the actual experience of making love to the person might be like based on the physical intimacy we’ve already shared with them so far.

We miss out on taking the time to build trust, emotional connection, and a level of comfort with each other first. And these are key ingredients to having amazing sex with someone. 

Instead, we satisfy our body’s physical needs first. We get caught up in a heated frenzy of heavy breathing and reckless abandon because, at the moment, it just feels so damn good.

Until the days following the encounter when it doesn’t feel quite so good as it did that night because we don’t know where we stand with the person and we haven’t yet taken the time to have that conversation. And we often find ourselves feeling like maybe we should have waited just a little longer to build up that trust.

Being intimate can add a whole new delicious dynamic to your relationship, whether it’s a new one or one that’s been cooking for a while. 

RELATED: What Guys Really Think Of Hooking Up On The First Date

Nowadays, more and more people are getting busy far earlier in a relationship than ever before. But, sometimes adding sex into the mix too early can complicate things far more than we expect.

I’m not at all suggesting that two consenting adults with tons of chemistry who are down with a no-strings-attached sexual relationship shouldn't go for it. If it works for you and you're both on the same page great!

But if you're looking for a deeper connection with someone or are searching for emotional intimacy in addition to the physical, then taking the time to get to know each other outside the bedroom is key too good sex. 

From there, build on the sexual energy between the two of you. That sexual energy is something that can be almost as satisfying as the sexual act itself.

And let's be honest, some of the most erotic and steamy sexual encounters are the ones that happen in a public place, clothes on, while the two of you are talking about what you want to do to each other, but haven’t yet allowed to happen.

They are the ones that happen as you hungrily stare at each other across the room of a party, both knowing what the other is thinking but neither verbalizing what you actually want.

Or the ones that happen when you're intertwined playfully on the living room floor, partially clothed, exploring the sweet spots you’ve just discovered turn your partner on.

It's the moments you tease and suggest and tease some more without actually engaging in intercourse itself.

That’s the making of some incredible intimacy. And what some of the best, most memorable, and erotic sexual encounters are made of.

RELATED: Why You Shouldn't Dirty Talk Or Sext Him Too Soon

Dina Strada is an author, Life and Intuitive Coach whose work has been published in Huff Post, elephant journal, Chopra, The Good Men Project, Elite Daily, Thrive Global and Medium. She shares her own hilarious personal stories about love, relationships and sex in weekly emails to her tribe.  Sign up to receive weekly relationship tips at or download her Free Guide to Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Patterns.

This article was originally published at Elephant Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.