Why Guys Need To Just STFU About 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

Fifty shades of grey movie

Women are constantly faced with an onslaught of media images, commercials, sitcoms, television shows and movies that portray younger, hotter, air-brushed, nipped and tucked, sexier and naked or nearly-naked versions of ourselves. 

We're used to watching a svelte 18-year-old girl seduce a pudgy 45-year-old man. 

We’re accustomed to taking our 12-year-old son to see Transformers and instead seeing more of Megan Fox’s short-shorts.

We're accustomed to going to a Star Trek movie and seeing a woman being "caught" undressing to her bra and panties for absolutely no other reason than to give the men in the audience a thrill, regardless of the effect it has on the women sitting next to them. 

We're accustomed to booty-shots of bikini-clad sexpots in strip-club, beach and pool settings on television and at the movies, and love scenes that are all breast and no penis. 

And guess what? Men are accustomed to this, too.

And — wow — does the fur ever fly when the shoe's on the other foot. 

Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and Magic Mike before it, go a long way toward leveling the playing field. They openly pander to the female demographic in the same way that many if not most mainstream Hollywood movies openly pander to the male demographic.

Instead of seeing this as "fair's fair," some men burst into indignant tantrums. "Those women are pathetic! They're tasteless! They can't control themselves!"

"They're going to be masturbating in their theater seats! They're going to think that all men look or act like Christian Grey!"

"There's something wrong with these women! You wouldn't want your wife watching this filth, would you? We need some psychiatrists to weigh in on this movie!"

Boy, what I wouldn't give to scroll through the search history on some of these men's computers.

While Fifty Shades has brought an aspect of female sexuality into the spotlight, let's take a moment to reflect on certain aspects of male sexuality.

Barely-legal porn. Rough sex videos. Rape scenes in mainstream movies and television. Those good ol’ Penthouse Letters and comparably more graphic erotica written for men.

I might sound like a man-hater, here. After all, I'm talking about behavior that I've seen on the part of SOME men, so I must hate ALL men, right? 

That seems to be the prevalent thought process nowadays. 

For those who are open-minded enough to let this sink in, I don't hate men. I have an amazing dad. My even more fabulous husband and I are raising a son.

I believe that men are undervalued in our society, particularly in their roles as husbands and fathers, and my Marriage SOS book series consistently prioritizes a husband's happiness as well as a wife's.

I've heard many men express an "it's no big deal" opinion about Fifty Shades, and I know that not all of them are so quick to get their cages rattled. 

I've seen many articles and reviews — including those by women — suggesting that women who see or read Fifty Shades are incapable of distinguishing between an abusive and non-abusive relationship. That we can't tell the difference between fictional erotica and domestic violence, or between fantasy and reality.

To me, whatever consensual activities happen in the book or movie can't be as degrading to women as this patronizing sentiment. 

Of course, there are women in abusive and controlling relationships. There are men in abusive and controlling relationships, too. 

But suggesting that Fifty Shades will turn a woman into an abuse victim implies that women are essentially simple and pliable "grown children" who must be parented by society at large. 

It implies that what women watch or read should be censored by men, psychiatrists or the morality police because women as a gender are too weak-minded to tell the difference between fact and fiction.

And if we're going to go down that road, then we'd better up the censorship, moralizing and psychiatric input on every film that comes out of Hollywood or every show that airs on television. 

You know that gang-rape scene in Sons of Anarchy? Better watch out, it might turn your loving husband into a violent rapist! After all, men can't tell the difference between fantasy/fiction and reality, right?

In the end, it doesn't matter if Fifty Shades is your cup of tea or not. It doesn't matter if you think it's stupid, poorly written, trashy, whatever. 

It may be those things, but here's a newsflash: It isn't all about you. 

Some people will want to see it. They'll go, have a laugh, maybe get the juices flowing and hopefully have a little fun with their significant other when they get home. 

And then, believe it or not, they'll actually show up for work on Monday morning. 

Even the women.