By Debi Berndt-Maldonado — Written on Oct 08, 2010
So many people ask me how to get over a breakup. They want to know how to stop obsessing over the ex-boyfriend or lover and get on with their life. This topic seems to be the most asked question in my work. Here are some easy tips to help you get over the one who broke your heart so that you can move on, date again and find true love.
1. First, take him/her out of your cell phone directory. Each time you pass his/her name when reviewing your contacts you will feel that pang of upset. Why put yourself through such agony? Remove any reminders of him or her in your home, car and workplace.
2. Stop telling your sad story of the breakup. Sure people want to help and give advice, but after a month you should be refraining from talking about your ex. Some talk about their ex as a way to feel close to them. As you disconnect from the pain of the romance, you can more easily move on to a better relationship.
3. Make a list of all his/her bad qualities. Okay, this may sound mean so you don’t have to be awful about it. Think about the things you did not have in common. You want to convince your subconscious mind that he/she wasn’t right for you anyway. Our mind tends to over-exaggerate how good things were in the past so this exercise will snap you out of those romantic delusions.
4. No more drive-bys. Stop making excuses to drive past his/her home or work or favorite hangout to see if the car is there or to catch a glimpse of your old flame. This behavior will keep you stuck and also destroy your self-confidence.
5. Come up with a mantra to say to yourself when you start thinking about your ex or begin to feel sad over the breakup. For example, “I deserve someone that completely loves and adores me.” Just like quitting a bad habit, a good positive mantra can be the antidote to redirect your mind into a more fulfilling romantic future.
6. Stop blaming yourself. If you are wondering if there was something you could have done to change your destiny, think again. When someone completely loves you, you are free to make mistakes. If there was enough substance, the person should be fighting to keep you in their life. If not, they are not meant for you.
7. Start hanging around new people. If your social group is connected with your ex, try to expand your circles outside of that environment. Changing up your life will help you have new positive experiences without the baggage from the past.
8. Build your confidence. The reason he/she broke up with you is not about you. The best way to get over a relationship is to increase your self-love so that you know that you deserve so much more than what you ex had to offer you. Using self-hypnosis is a great way to retrain your mind to love and accept yourself. Embracing your true lovable self will make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
9. Make a list of what you want in a relationship. You may have attracted the last person by default. Setting an intention to consciously attract someone who is a better fit is very powerful. You will find the person you design in your mind may be much different than your ex-love.
10. Visualize yourself happy. Spend at least ten minutes every day visualizing yourself happy in love with someone new. This may not be easy at first and might bring up some tears, but keep practicing this technique. Over time you will find this gives you a sense of inner peace and builds hope that you will find the love you truly deserve.
To help you get over your ex, you can check out this audio set - Breakup Recovery